[dropshadowbox align=”none” effect=”lifted-both” width=”565px” height=”” background_color=”#dcdcdc” border_width=”1″ border_color=”#dddddd” ]This is the first post on my blog from Julia Winston. Julia is passionate about giving people the tools to be BRAVE enough to communicate better than they ever imagined they could. She is an interpersonal communication skills coach, trainer, and blogger. You can read more from her on her own blog, bravecommunicationllc.blogspot.com. She will be posting here on asmithblog.com every Thursday sharing with us how we can strengthen our communication skills in every area of our lives.[/dropshadowbox]
Photo Credit: isayx3 via Compfight cc
Our communication skills are like riding a bike. We think we know how to do it because we learned “it” once. We know the mechanics of mounting the bike, pedaling, steering, breaking, and balance. But just because we know the mechanics does not mean we can do it well let alone teach another.
My husband and I discovered this recently when we gave our young kids their first bike lesson. We were just as excited as the kids. We imagined all the doors that would open once the kids learned to ride a bike. We pictured ourselves sitting on the porch watching the kids whiz by shouting,” Mom! Dad! Watch this!” We imagined taking long family bike rides to and through the park. All we needed to do was teach them and then “oh the places we’d go”.
The problem was we didn’t realize that teaching our kids how to ride a bike would be so DIFFICULT.
You would think since we knew how to ride a bike, we could teach our kids the fundamentals of riding a bike, right? WRONG!
When I tell people I train and coach on effective interpersonal communication skills, they begin to imagine, like my husband and I did, all the wonderful doors that will open to them or their organization with improved communication skills. They imagine a work team that functions with respect. They imagine how productive they could be. They go on imagining.
What they don’t imagine is the planning and strategy it takes to get there.
Here are two communication lessons learned from our bike riding lesson.
1. Don’t assume just because you do it, you do it well!
Harold D. Stolovich and Erica J. Keeps wrote a hugely popular book in the training and development world called Telling Ain’t Training. The book, as implied by the title, exposes myths and assumptions that keep you from getting results. Assumptions like just because you tell someone how to do something, doesn’t mean you have trained them in how to do it.
Likewise, telling people to work on their people skills or communicate better does not mean they know what you mean or that they have the skill to do it. As leaders, culture creators, coaches, etc. we have to make sure our meaning is clear and the appropriate resources are available.
2. Don’t miss the opportunity to create community!
My husband and I soon discovered that we needed to speak the same language when we taught our kids how to ride. When I said “be steady” and he said “keep your balance” our kids didn’t know we mean the same thing because the language the same. My husband and I had to come together to create a common language. In doing so, we bonded in an unexpected way.
Likewise, people think communication skills are common sense. There are 2 problems with that line of thinking. First, it leaves what is “common” open to individual interpretation. Second, it removes a major opportunity to develop community. By starting from zero, and collectively building stellar communication practices, you create a deeper sense of team; you create buy-in; and you provide the internal motivation needed to stick with it.
Once you acknowledge your assumptions and use the opportunity to build a more vested community, then you can fully imagine all the places you will go!
Have you set out to teach something seemingly easy, only to discover it is harder than you thought? You can leave your comment below.
I love the personal stories here. The points that you make are important ones that we can’t afford to miss.
I have definitely ran into a few instances where I thought it was going to be easier than it was to teach people how to do something. Thank goodness these moments are usually the things that I enjoy; social media being one of them. When people don’t know anything about social media and then you start trying to explain it, and teach them how to use sm, it is funny to watch facial expressions. I learned a lot from it by improving my communication skills through these times. It has actually made me a better communicator, so I am grateful for these learning moments.
Thanks Adam! Anytime we go for holders or knowledge to teachers of knowledge we have to make a communication switch too. Like with SEO, (which I am stilling trying to get the hang of) we have to communicate in a way that makes it easier for our knowledge to found and digested! Hmmm that sounds like a good post topic 😉
Yes it does!
I love the personal stories here. The points that you make are important ones that we can’t afford to miss.
I have definitely ran into a few instances where I thought it was going to be easier than it was to teach people how to do something. Thank goodness these moments are usually the things that I enjoy; social media being one of them. When people don’t know anything about social media and then you start trying to explain it, and teach them how to use sm, it is funny to watch facial expressions. I learned a lot from it by improving my communication skills through these times. It has actually made me a better communicator, so I am grateful for these learning moments.
Thanks Adam! Anytime we go for holders or knowledge to teachers of knowledge we have to make a communication switch too. Like with SEO, (which I am stilling trying to get the hang of) we have to communicate in a way that makes it easier for our knowledge to found and digested! Hmmm that sounds like a good post topic 😉
Yes it does!
Hi Julia, welcome to the blog. Feels it’s going to be nice to have you every Sunday.
Really like the post. It amazes me when people get all this much about what a “simple experience as teaching to ride a bike” is 🙂
I totally agree with you, and point 2 caught my attention, because more than often we have this issues, where we all agree, we are just to deaf/dumb to realize it and put it together in a unique voice to transmit.
Hope to hear more from you.
Note that the links are not working properly (at least twitter / facebook for me)
Thanks for letting us know about the links Diego. Fixed now.
Diego, thanks for the warm welcome. I am excited to be here! Glad you liked the post. I like to find lessons in the little moments. It’s fun! Who says growing has to be boring!?! And, you are so right. Often we are saying the same thing but if the language isn’t clear, the message is lost. Thanks for tweeting!
Hi Julia, welcome to the blog. Feels it’s going to be nice to have you every Sunday.
Really like the post. It amazes me when people get all this much about what a “simple experience as teaching to ride a bike” is 🙂
I totally agree with you, and point 2 caught my attention, because more than often we have this issues, where we all agree, we are just to deaf/dumb to realize it and put it together in a unique voice to transmit.
Hope to hear more from you.
Note that the links are not working properly (at least twitter / facebook for me)
Thanks for letting us know about the links Diego. Fixed now.
Diego, thanks for the warm welcome. I am excited to be here! Glad you liked the post. I like to find lessons in the little moments. It’s fun! Who says growing has to be boring!?! And, you are so right. Often we are saying the same thing but if the language isn’t clear, the message is lost. Thanks for tweeting!
Adam, it has been an amazing week. You probably already know it but it is always nice to have somebody to reassure you: you have chosen the right people all the way through!!
so, congrats and cheers for the many weeks to come.
Diego.
Thanks, Diego. They are quite amazing. They do make this place better! But, thanks for sharing man. Hope you had a great week.
Really glad about it. Sure, you are welcome, as I say, anytime and every time!
Adam, it has been an amazing week. You probably already know it but it is always nice to have somebody to reassure you: you have chosen the right people all the way through!!
so, congrats and cheers for the many weeks to come.
Diego.
Thanks, Diego. They are quite amazing. They do make this place better! But, thanks for sharing man. Hope you had a great week.
Really glad about it. Sure, you are welcome, as I say, anytime and every time!
I love the part about speaking the “same language”. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve tried talking with my wife or someone at work, arguing over some detail, and realizing eventually that we were talking about the same thing. I think all it takes is to ask more questions as soon as your realize there is something missing in the conversation.
I love the part about speaking the “same language”. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve tried talking with my wife or someone at work, arguing over some detail, and realizing eventually that we were talking about the same thing. I think all it takes is to ask more questions as soon as your realize there is something missing in the conversation.