I personally know six couples who are about to get married. That seems like a lot of weddings, flower girls, pictures, and a lot of uncomfortable people. I remember when Jasmine and I got married. It felt like I was going into something blind. I definitely had no idea what I was doing, but we knew we wanted to be with each other. And that was enough. After we were married I began to realize that I had no clue, so I went out and bought a ton of marriage books. I figured I needed as much help as I could get from people who knew more about marriage than I did. I probably should have bought the books before diving into such a commitment, but as you might already know, we eloped. We actually discussed the plan over dinner and the next week we were, Mr. and Mrs. Smith. That crazy deal happened six years ago and we’ve been happy ever since. Yes, this does mean that I will tell my kids that it is okay to elope. I wish I could tell you about some crazy proposal I came up with, like popping the big question while flying in a hot air balloon over Niagara Falls while playing jazz flute, but that didn’t happen. Through our marriage, I have learned that the most important thing is making time for each other. It may be difficult to make that happen all the time, but that is where being intentional comes in. That is the best advice I have for the six newlywed couples.
What marriage books do you recommend? As a newlywed not sure I have much advice other than enjoy it because it goes by too fast!
5 love languages did magic for us
Taylor, read below comments for more book recommendations
Hey Adam, have you read Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas. That book will blow all other marriage books out of the water. Completely different perspective than anything else I've read. Highly recommended!
I haven't. now I have to read this
It's not about the emotion/romance. Emotions vary from day to day. You're both going to have bad days – sometimes at the same time. You're not going to have this giddy rainbow & kittens he/she is WONDERFUL type of love forever. You do have this relationship forever. You do have your spouse forever but you might not be the same people in five years. God, however, will be the same. If the relationship is about the commitment to HIM and to each other, if HE is first in your life and your marriage, you'll be fine.
My recent post Menu Planning Monday 05/17/2010
1. Being God centered.
2. Communication/Transparency
3. Having fun together
4. Make growing your marriage a priority (read books, go to conferences, etc.)
good stuff man
great advice
the five love languages is useful to me. I try to be good and do them all, but I don't waste too much effort on the ones that in which she has no interest. I have had no clue what makes her feel loved without asking.
that communication is key
you got he big two/three….in being intentional. making that time for each other….communicate…..always work at that.
I go to bible college (well just graduated) but there are a lot of newly weds there. I have been married a year and half and just watching other married people has helped my marriage. Just seeing how they do things (either negative or positive) and then talking about it with my husband. and that is the big one…talking with my husband. We don't really fight because we actually talk about everything and that really helps.
so awesome
Communication is huge. My husband & I dated four years before we got married we had the communication thing down, but over the last nine years we stopped, we failed to adapt our communication with each other as we grew in marriage and God changed us both individually.
My recent post Nine Years
beautiful
I celebrate 5 years of marriage this July. We vowed to always "uphold each other in the eyes of others" – don't let anyone hear you say anything bad about your spouse….even your parents or own family.
And I second tonyalicea's recommendation on Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas.
My recent post Is Emptiness Required?
We vowed to always "uphold each other in the eyes of others" – don't let anyone hear you say anything bad about your spouse….even your parents or own family.
That was advise the pastor who married us gave us during premarital. That and NEVER discuss your problems/fights with your families, they will always choose sides.
My recent post Nine Years
some more great advice Prudence. I hear a lot of this crap from other people about inlaws having problems with spouse. It's ridiculous
so cool. definitely have to get that book now.
I posted advice above. We didn't read books on marriage itself but ummm sex (excuse me while I blush for making that public).
We read "Intended for Pleasure" and "The Act of Marriage". I also HIGHLY recommend "Sheet Music".
My recent post Nine Years
thats important too, Prudence. haha
Don't just be married, be apart of your marriage. It took me along time to realize this and almost blew mine because of it.
good stuff man. love it.
Today My wife & I celebrate or 32 Anniversary. We were married on 6-3-1978. We love each other a lot and have a strong marriage. It was not always that way. We went thru our dark times. Marriage will test you.
Here is my advice to you newer married couples:
Repeat this mantra to each other as often as you can. Live it, breath it, shout it, write it, LIVE IT:
"Divorce is NEVER an option".
so awesome. Congratulations! And amen
Realize that you always have to work at a marriage.
And no matter what, always be honest & open 🙂
Oh yeah, enjoy everyday because the years will
fly by! 🙂
great advice 🙂
Adam,
Wow, still newlyweds (comparatively), and you DO have the 3 biggies. God-Centered, always #1, making time for each other, and being intentional. That's impressive you and Jasmine have that figured out already. A lot of us have taken years to figure that out.
Only 2 things to add; Humor!!!! Laughing together is a wonderful thing. And… if you haven't already, take the time to do the VIDEOS of the Love & Respect program. It's excellent and I don't care how long one's been married. In fact, we bought it for our son & daughter-in-law, and I want to borrow it back and go thru it again! It's THAT good.
May your marriage be blessed. You two are off to a great start!
thanks so much! And some wonderful advice. I love having fun
I agree about the book Sacred Marriage..it is fantastic. Another good book for potential issues that may come up is Boundaries.
Marriage is about putting God first in the relationship in times when your emotions are very present, or absent…trusting HIm..and believing the best in your spouse even when it's a rough patch. Try to pray together as often as possible.
i agree with rfbryant's comments too…ditto
great stuff
Books of great strength: Five Love Languages, Love and Respect, Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage. (The videos add depth!)
Advice:
1.) Realize that marriage is NOT 50/50. It's 100/100.
2.) Don't ever denigrate your spouse in front of others, especially your children.
3.) Put your marriage first. Even before your children. The best gift you can give them is a good marriage and you won't be strangers when the kids are grown.
4.) Give grace. You expect forgiveness, be willing to give it lavishly. (That means marking whatever debt/offense as paid in full, not to be brought up again.)
I love all those points for sure. All very powerful
Get the couples a copy of Laugh Your Way to a Happy Marriage from http://www.laughyourway.com/ it will save a lot of lessons having to be learned the hard way. Mark Gungor is a good speaker and he is quite funny as well, so the DVD's are easy to watch.
cool. haven't heard of that one. thanks for the recommendation
Lots of great stuff here…One suggestion I would add: cut out cable TV, at least for the first year or so. Invest the time (and money!) in your spouse and learn to be intentional about the decisions you make with your time. Don't allow television shows to be the normal way you spend time together in the evenings.
My wife and I didn't have cable our first years (we still don't really have much…just a basic 15 channel package). We learned to talk (still learning). We learned to make decisions together. And we haven't had too much nonsense pumped into our brains from the crud that has passed for prime time television the past 7 years 🙂
My recent post Hermie and Friends and me…
awesome man. we still dont have cable. we get so much more done without it like reading. who would have thought
Sorry, meant to say don’t take each other or what each & bring to the relationship forgranted. It’s easy to do after being married many years.
I still understood 🙂
Putting God first & keeping him there is definite. Also, always take time to keep dating & be respectful to each other. That whole “don’t let the Sun set on your wrath” thing is extremely important also & don’t fall into the trap of taking each other & what each other bring to the relationship. Trust, communication….so very important to keep & maintain.
very good advice. my grandmother used to tell me the "don't let the Sun set on your wrath" thing. thanks for stopping by!
well. all i can say is – i’m perty sure we were separated at birth/twin sons of different mothers -etc/et al/ i can’t believe i etthewholething… and this is just from the few moments in time – that – i’m sure by totally random chance (ahem…)-cuz it’s l8 and i haven’t time to read too much more tonight- In one of my earliest blogs, i warned folks that they would soon tire of the elipsis -AND – i DID propose to my bride in a hot air balloon… the similarity will soon end tho – cuz -the other thing i’m betting is perty sure is – i am the fat/old/uglier/more sinful brother…
Thanks for the great information. Don’t you worry i will spread your advice to those who want to engage in a married life.