If you are anything like me, then you have a hard time letting others do for you, especially your spouse. It is not easy allowing your spouse to do things for you that you want to do for yourself. A huge part of the resistance is that you have to relinquish control in order to allow it to happen. You have to trust your spouse. You have to relinquish the “me” aspect of the project. My husband and I have been married for a little over a year. While we were courting, we decided that we would wait to buy things for our new life together. We both needed beds, clothing, organizational tools, and everything in between. Besides the fact we were broke and had no money, we wanted to build our home together.
The first time that I realized the weight of this agreement was a few months before we were married and I wanted to buy a new bed. My fiancé (now husband) was against the idea. He wanted to build everything together including the new bed. I was a bit upset, but I saw his point. Building meant building not adding pieces to what you already have.
While on our honeymoon, the building began. We drove to North Carolina for our honeymoon and decided to visit the Pier One, Marshall’s and Bed, Bath and Beyond. We went back and forth on what items to buy and what items not to buy. It was pure comedy. It was in that moment that I realized brands were important to my husband. For him, it wasn’t about the price, it was about the build and reputation of the brand. He liked the expensive things. I liked function and low price.
Recently, my husband decided he wanted to turn a room in our house into a writing workspace for me. This was a dream come true. I have wanted a writing room for years! I have moved over 31 times in my life and 4 times in the last 5 years. Little did I know that my husband making me a writing room was about my husband “MAKING ME A WRITING ROOM”. My husband is a wonderful carpenter and designer. He had an idea of what he wanted the room to look like and I had an idea of what I wanted the room to look like. We bumped heads a few times during this process until I realized it was about my husband doing for me, not me telling my husband what to do for me.
I had to relinquish my desires in order for him to do for me. Our society breeds independence. We think we know best about ourselves. However, we have been given these amazing people called spouses who often know us better than we know ourselves. When I backed off of my husband during the construction of my room and trusted him, the outcome was amazing.
In the last month my husband has laid floor in the kitchen, refinished the hardwood of our entire first floor, built a bookshelf from scratch, built an entertainment center, installed little things and picked out the accessories for my room. He did what he was designed to do. He is a designer. He is a builder. I let him do for me. I helped him and brought little things to make the room my own, but he did the bulk of the work.
When our spouses do for us it doesn’t always come out how we personally planned it but it will come out how it needs to. Our job is to celebrate the accomplishments, effort and to be grateful. Just because we don’t like it initially doesn’t mean we won’t like it later on. Think positively, not doubtful during the process. Let your spouse do for you.