Friday afternoon my wife and I had a “disagreement.” Although our disagreements might be mild compared to other couples’ disagreements, it got intense for a few minutes.
The fallout from the argument
As I am typing this I can’t even remember what it was about. Later that night was our planned “First Fridays” Date Night, which we have the first Friday of every month. Our disagreement had me so upset that I immediately told myself, “We aren’t going tonight!”. It didn’t make any sense for us to go feeling like this towards each other. The argument was serious enough where I knew we wouldn’t be speaking again the rest of the day and would probably be riding to the date night in silence. Then, we would get there and have to “flip the switch” and act like nothing was wrong. Or worse, we would be honest and share that we were having some issues, and be in “counseling” all night.
Not a good idea
Our “First Fridays” Date Night is when we get together with 7 other couples, have dinner, and do some marriage enrichment activities intended to not just allow us to have a date, but to have a date with purpose. The couple who organized First Fridays are our marriage mentors. They have been married over thirty-years, have experienced a lot, and we’ve learned a lot from them. So, this date could go either way. And I wanted to be a part of neither of them. But something happened after my decision to not go.
I got to thinking about the advice I have given on my blog, here on Adam’s site, and the other sites I write for.
An easy way out
I wondered what type of example would this set for those who read my content and follow my relationship advice. It’d be a terrible example. So, after a few minutes, I determined I would make a choice that would be a great example, a great lesson, and something that would bless my marriage. I eventually made the decision to not let anything stop our date night. I could have easily backed out, and had plenty of excuses. In addition to the disagreement we were the only couple, besides our mentors, who could make it. It was Spring Break so all the other couples were out of town, or something came up. So, First Fridays had kind of already been cancelled.
The right (and best) thing to do
But nope, we had to honor the commitment to date weekly, honor the commitment to our marriage mentors, and do what was best for our marriage. So, we went on our date, and it was amazing! Another couple joined us, who we had never spent time with before, and we all stayed up eating, talking, and laughing a lot, until almost 2 am. Talk about a big win in your marriage. This was one of those big wins when you overcome something that could push you back a step in your marriage, and instead we took a step or two forward.
I am certain you’ve had experiences like that, and I encourage you to never let anything stop your date night. Below are 3 quick reasons why.
- Something will always come up, and you may never go on any date nights. My wife and I have determined that almost every time we have big plans, something major comes up to derail them. Early in our marriage we allowed that to happen. Now, we see it as it is, something to prevent us from nurturing our marriage.
- Date night is part of the backbone of a successful relationship. Date nights are how you got where you are today; married. If you cut that out, it’s like you cut out something that holds your marriage up and together.
- You WIN BIG when you overcome a challenge intended to stop you from growing your marriage. The most fulfilling accomplishments happen when you’ve had to overcome something to achieve. The same with marriage, couples who get out of major debt experience, couples who have overcome sickness have as well, and even couples who’ve overcome infidelity can attest to it.
No matter how small or big the issue is, don’t let anything stop your date night!
How do you make sure you have consistent date nights? Please share in the comment section below.
As our kids have become a bit older, it has been easier to keep our weekly date night. Now, we both know Monday night is date night. And actually, our kids remind us on Monday nights by asking, “Don’t you have a date night tonight?”
That’s awesome, Jon!!
Great reminder! This is the thing we need to get better at, Jackie. We keep talking about it, but things come up each time with a babysitter. Will make this happen.
We have been there 1000 times…can relate! Hopefully the decision the other day helps us turn the corner.
Great counsel, Jackie — l can’t take back all the missed opportunities in the past, but can commit to going forward week by week.
Great point, Glenn! That is the stumbling block we all have…looking back and thinking what could have been instead of making what’s ahead what we want it to be.