There seems to be this idea in the world that if we copy formulas that other people have used, we will receive the same amount of success they have. I am here to tell you that it’s not true. Formulas aren’t what people follow. People follow value. If you are providing someone value they will embrace you. Value builds relationships. If you are not offering value, then they will skip over you and decide not to build relationship with you. Society allows for many get rich quick schemes and viral instant celebrities. However, those rare moments shouldn’t be our priorities.
We have to ask ourselves a few questions before we start projects and while we are in the midst of them.
What does success look like to me?
What do numbers mean to me?
Am I adding value to people?
Am I lusting for attention?
Am I selling things I love or am I just trying to make money?
Am I measuring success against someone else’s?
Am I being truly patient about my idea of success or do I want it now?
Recently, I heard Jefferson Bethke speak about the first 3 weeks of his video going viral as the worst time of his life. He went on to speak about how our human souls weren’t created for overnight success. We often have the idea that if we can just get an investor, become a viral sensation, or win the lottery, everything in our lives will be better. However, that isn’t true.
We were designed with purpose. There is something unique about you that only you can provide to the world. You won’t be able to manufacture it. Are you using what you have or are you wishing you had what someone else has? Your idea of success is unique to you. The people you add value to are unique to you.
Don’t allow your wandering eyes to remove your focus for what you are called to do and who you are called to build relationship with.
Great post here, Christina. “Am I adding value to people?” is so important.
Are you? 😉
Well, I sure do try. 😉
Please take this as a furtherance of the discussion and not a critique (uh oh, right?). But when I read this, I see another danger lurking, and something that some readers may benefit from.
I was at a dinner celebrating a 16-year-old boy’s birthday with several other men who have invested in this young man’s life. As part of the post-dinner discussion, one of the guys asked everyone to tell others at the table one thing they may not know about us. I asked to pass and have a few moments to consider, but the friend who posed the question jumped the gun and filled in an answer for me: “Does everyone here know what your lifetime GPA was?”
I instantly cringed. And I spoke up, as good-naturedly as I could: “That isn’t important to me and not what I would want others to know about me.” Why? Because I do many things exceptionally well. I’ve been the go-to guy for others my entire life. And I wound up “adding value to people” — lots of it.
The problem was this — MY ENTIRE value wound up being what I could add to others’ lives, instead of merely in who I was. And others behaved accordingly. When I said “Yes, I’ll help you with that” or “Yes, I’ll take this over” or “Yes, [fill in the blank],” people liked me. When I said “No, I’m sorry I can’t,” they had little use for me.
It also begs the question of where “value” lies. What of the homeless man or entire populations in 3rd-world countries? What value can they add to me or others? Should their value be considered “less” because they have less to offer by way of money or help or intellect or other resources?
Again, I agree with your idea, which I took to be essentially: “Don’t be a taker. Don’t be a user. Don’t be a copy cat. Don’t push your own agenda. Find out what others value and meet a need.” And I agree with that wholeheartedly. My thoughts here are for others like the old me, who might mistake “add value” to mean “be loved for what you do rather than who you are.” If you haven’t gotten to the place where you value YOURSELF as you are, you may not yet be in a place to be trying to add value to others.
Thank you for posting and sparking thought and discussion, Christina.
Erik!
I absolutely agree. Value should be genuine and authentic always. One thing we have done as a society is take the “things” people do and label these “works” as the person. You aren’t your accolades and accomplishments. You are the person that you we’re created to be if none of the external things existed and your accolades no longer mattered.
Generally what happens is we think if we know what a person does we know the person. But on the flip side what makes a person is there character.
If a person doesn’t “value” themselves you as a person who wants to add value can graciously instill confidence and esteem in that person so that they can begin to understand there own value.
Adding value is more about knowing what a person needs and considers valuable vs. giving something that the other person won’t be able to appreciate.
Thank you so much for this discussion.
I think another good — and simple — question to consider on this topic is the following:
“Am I truly doing what I’m doing to benefit others, or merely to benefit myself?”
Do I want to meet a real need? Or do I want admiration?
Is my advice something I truly think will help you? Or do I just like how smart I sound, or the fact that I can corner you in a debate?
Am I singing this song right now because it will encourage the listener, or because I love the applause afterward?
I think the same action can be done with either motive, and only the individual “offerer” knows which that is. You can fool others, and even yourself for a while. But something digs at your brain when you are not being — as you started your reply — authentic about that motive.