How to Handle Cursing
We all know swear, curse, or cuss words when we hear them. They are common and even if you don’t use them, what do you do if other people use them? If cursing bothers you, here are a few tips on how to manage the curser and yourself.
1. Be honest with yourself
If cursing bothers you, then it bothers you. You don’t have to justify, feel bad, or judge yourself for being bothered by it.
2. Be honest with the curser
On dealing with cursing in the workplace Alexander Kjerulf, author of Happy Hour is 9-to-5 says “[t]he most common problem people make in this situation is to let it slide.” If it happened once, you might do well to let slide. But if it is habitual, then you need to be honest with the person about how his or her language bothers you. Use “I” statements to admit your feelings and make reasonable requests. Remember you can’t make anyone do anything
3. Don’t criticize, empathize
When expressing your feeling to the offender, resist any behavior or tone of voice that would make one think you are judging or belittling them. The first step in dealing with a cursing person, according to a Wikihow article, is to try to understand why the person curses. In a Career Builder.com post, one VP of Human Resources explains,” [t]here are plenty of reasons why people curse in the workplace — among them [are] anger, frustration, stress, ego, lack of a better vocabulary — and all of them are bad.” Trying to understand why the person curses does more for you than them. It gets you down off your high horse (because you might realize you are sitting on one) to view the person as a person.
4. Don’t curse back
This may sound like a mute point, but it’s important. Since the majority of cursing happens as an expression of anger, resist getting angry and cursing back. It will only escalate the situation and make any future attempts to get the person to stop that much harder.
How to Stop Cursing
If you are the person who curses and you want to stop, here are a few tips for you:
1. Pray and read scripture
Admit your desire to God and ask Him to help you. Find scriptures that talk about what should come out of your mouth. Your chances at success are much greater if you confess your shortcoming to God and ask for help.
2. Find alternate words
I don’t mean saying darn, fudge, or shucks. I mean use silly words or phrases that will help your release the tension in the moment. When your computer crashes, try saying “supercalifragilisticexpialidocious”. The silly word isn’t as important as the reminder of being silly. Being silly, especially when things are tense, triggers us to calm down.
3. Be silent
Take a long pause. No, I mean a really long pause. Let the word sit in your head but don’t give it permission to come out of your lips. If silly phrases and alternate words aren’t your thing, you can achieve the same result with a long pause.
“A new study by CareerBuilder.com shows that 81% of employers believe cursing brings an employee’s professionalism into question. The study showed that 64% of employers think less of an employee who swears repeatedly, and 57% said they are less likely to promote someone who using curse words. A further 71% of employers said that swearing shows a “lack of control,” while 68% says swearing demonstrates a “lack of maturity”. Perhaps most interestingly, says CareerBuilder.com spokesperson Jennifer Grasz, is that 54% of employers said that swearing made their employees appear “less intelligent”.” source
Cursing is a form of communication. Like other forms, you must choose carefully how you handle it.
What advice do you have for handling a curser? Please leave your comment below.
Excellent suggestions, Julia. On a few occasions I’ve said, “Mr. Potato Head gets out his angry eyes…” and the humor has helped.
Great post, Julia. I’m not close to being perfect-I let a few slip from time to time (not typically in a work setting) when I am angry, but I usually realize the shortcoming in the moment and come up with another word to display the same feelings. When this happens, I realize that it all goes back to the heart and there’s an issue there. If it is out of anger, then it goes back to a heart filled with anger. Even when I have spoken to people about things, either to a group or one-on-one, I have almost let a curse word slip (but refrain), because it was rooted in passion for something. But, I realized I can choose a like word to get across the same emphasis and not sound like I’m trying to be a cool twelve year old. Really, cursing is rooted in not having a big vocabulary. When people have to use curse words as the only way to motivate people and can’t find other words to say, there becomes a bigger issue with the person saying the word. Just a few thoughts there on the subject. Thanks for this thought-provoking communication piece. I like the studies you included here as well to show how it is viewed in the workplace.
This post really hit home for me. I realized that I’ve become someone who swears way more than I used to. On several occasions, I had senior leaders swear in front of me, then apologize. I read into that interaction that they thought I was weak or not “one of the boys.” Since then, I thought that swearing made me sound more confident or powerful. But you’ve helped me realize that those people are in positions of power despite their language choices, not because of them, and I should aspire to model their positive behaviors without adopting their negative ones. I’m printing portions of this post to hang at my desk right now as a reminder.