I have been single 30 years of my life. I’ve been married for 1 year. I personally tend to speak more about singleness because I understand the hurt, desire, healing, lack of compassion and social awkwardness that comes from being single. In our culture being single is seen as a disease.
Singleness is scary. We have gone from getting married at 18 to dating sites to our generation barely wanting to get married at all. We are the first generation to get married after the age of 30 as the standard, but deep down, all of us want to be loved. I know I did. The main reason I stepped back from dating was that I didn’t know who I was outside of chasing guys and being chased.
I was hurt and honestly I needed some time time to heal. When you come out of a relationship you need time. However, taking that time is extremely hard. Commercially, we are told we need to be in a relationship. If you watch television, get on christianmingle.com, match.com or any other dating site, they all will tell you how to find companionship. There are apps, friends and instagram feeds of relationship pictures telling you that you aren’t complete.
As a now married woman, I am here to tell you that marriage will not complete you. Dating will not make you happy inside. I know that isn’t what you wanted to hear, but it is what you need to hear. Your singleness is an amazing time for you to explore you and the Lord. It is a time when you can make mistakes and grow from them without harming another person. It is a time that you can hang out with your friends until whenever you want to because you don’t have a spouse to be home to at a specific time. It’s a time when you learn how to turn to the Lord for those deep areas of healing that only He knows about.
Singleness isn’t a disease, it’s a cure. It is a time of freedom. Freedom to live and learn. The cure of singleness is found in wrestling with your anxieties, frustrations, and heartbreaks. It is found in spending countless minutes of the day speaking to the Lord in your head, on your knees, or in a journal. Your singleness doesn’t need to be fixed. You are perfect with or without a mate. I know it is shocking to hear from a married woman, but I believe singles need to consistently hear it. I loved being single. I learned to be content. I learned to not allow the anxiety to overtake me.
Let me tell you a secret most married people are afraid to admit. Marriage doesn’t remove insecurity, loneliness, habits, lust, brokenness, trust issues, or anything else. Instead, it exposes those things all the more to sanctify you. I am hoping that we can grow together based on being human beings and not just our relationship status.
I look forward to writing and sharing my heart concerning relationships of all kinds. What are your concerns about relationships? What topics should I cover concerning relationships?