I have been single 30 years of my life. I’ve been married for 1 year. I personally tend to speak more about singleness because I understand the hurt, desire, healing, lack of compassion and social awkwardness that comes from being single. In our culture being single is seen as a disease.
Singleness is scary. We have gone from getting married at 18 to dating sites to our generation barely wanting to get married at all. We are the first generation to get married after the age of 30 as the standard, but deep down, all of us want to be loved. I know I did. The main reason I stepped back from dating was that I didn’t know who I was outside of chasing guys and being chased.
I was hurt and honestly I needed some time time to heal. When you come out of a relationship you need time. However, taking that time is extremely hard. Commercially, we are told we need to be in a relationship. If you watch television, get on christianmingle.com, match.com or any other dating site, they all will tell you how to find companionship. There are apps, friends and instagram feeds of relationship pictures telling you that you aren’t complete.
As a now married woman, I am here to tell you that marriage will not complete you. Dating will not make you happy inside. I know that isn’t what you wanted to hear, but it is what you need to hear. Your singleness is an amazing time for you to explore you and the Lord. It is a time when you can make mistakes and grow from them without harming another person. It is a time that you can hang out with your friends until whenever you want to because you don’t have a spouse to be home to at a specific time. It’s a time when you learn how to turn to the Lord for those deep areas of healing that only He knows about.
Singleness isn’t a disease, it’s a cure. It is a time of freedom. Freedom to live and learn. The cure of singleness is found in wrestling with your anxieties, frustrations, and heartbreaks. It is found in spending countless minutes of the day speaking to the Lord in your head, on your knees, or in a journal. Your singleness doesn’t need to be fixed. You are perfect with or without a mate. I know it is shocking to hear from a married woman, but I believe singles need to consistently hear it. I loved being single. I learned to be content. I learned to not allow the anxiety to overtake me.
Let me tell you a secret most married people are afraid to admit. Marriage doesn’t remove insecurity, loneliness, habits, lust, brokenness, trust issues, or anything else. Instead, it exposes those things all the more to sanctify you. I am hoping that we can grow together based on being human beings and not just our relationship status.
I look forward to writing and sharing my heart concerning relationships of all kinds. What are your concerns about relationships? What topics should I cover concerning relationships?
Great post in a critical need area, Christina.
Glenn,thank you. We run away from it so much. It’s time for us to face it head on. I am excited.
Great first post, Christina. This is an area we need to look at and approach. Thank you.
Thank you! I look forward to unpacking the amazing gift of singleness.
Favorite quote: “Marriage doesn’t remove insecurity, loneliness, habits, lust, brokenness, trust issues, or anything else. Instead, it exposes those things all the more to sanctify you.” Great article!
Thank you, Tiffany! Keep reading with us.
Freaking awesome truth and encouragement here! Sharing this post with the Future Marriage University (FMU) community
at https://www.facebook.com/FMUniversity. So many WRONG expectations we have for relationships and marriage. Would love your thoughts on this post from our FMU blog: http://f-m-u.com/Blog/marriage-expectations-make-sense/.
Thank you so much. I hope it helps to curve the anxiety.
Being single is scary not including the pressure from family, friends and watching those around you move into the next stages of their life. Great work.
Definitely, there is this huge push to be in a relationship. Many of us before our time. I just want singles to know it’s alright to discover you first.
Great article Faith. I can certainly wait. I haven’t lived my life to the fullest yet!
You are a magnet for abundance. I look forward to your hands being EMPTY because you’ve poured out every ounce as a single into the lives of people who need what you have.
I think you hit it right on the money. I’m 33 and single. I’ve haven’t been in a relationship for almost 4 years. How much healing does one person need? Again…I’m not complaining. I’m blessed to be as independent as I am. I’m pretty much content as a single woman, however I am excited about the blessing God will eventually send me. Patience is a virtue.
I completely understand. It may not always be able healing it may be about the process and your purpose. As a single God can move you as He pleases. I wasn’t in a relationship for YEARS. I got to the point where I was truly content being single and if I never got married that was alright. Marriage is a blessing and she honors our request of desiring companionship. Continue to press on and finish your time as a single getting all those dreams out He’s placed inside of you. Be on fire for a His Kingdom.