In part 1, I introduced you to a paradigm shift if you have trouble with confrontation. Today, we talk about the basics of feedback and confrontation is a form of feedback.
Feedback, as defined by dictionary.com, as the furnishing of data concerning the operation or output so that subsequent or ongoing operations can be altered or corrected.
The skill of feedback involves giving data or information on a performance or output. Effective feedback skills are one of THE most important skills a leader can develop. But far too often leaders, and let’s be honest, most people don’t take heed on how they give feedback.
Bill Cosby, in an episode of the Cosby Show, gave one of the best metaphors on feedback I’ve ever heard. In the season 8 episode 1, 18 yr old Vanessa gets engaged to Dabnis (a 30 yr old maintenance man) while away at college but fails to tell Cliff and Clair for 6 months. When she finally introduces him to the parents, Cliff tries to explain why his dislike has nothing to do with Dabnis but Vanessa.
I’ll summarize his explanation…though it is worth seeing in person if you can watch it.
I’m going to make your favorite food, steak and potatoes drizzled in butter garnished with mushrooms, and give it to you. But instead of putting it on a plate. I am going to go over to the trash can. Take the lid off the trash can, turn it over and put your favorite food on the lid and say here ya go. That’s not too appetizing is it?”
Yet when it comes to giving feedback, many leaders serve up opportunities for growth and improvement on a garbage can lid…expecting their people to be ecstatic. Why should they happy about a poorly presented piece of information?
Do you take time to make your feedback appetizing?
It doesn’t take long. “Appetizing” or effective feedback has three simple ingredients.
- It is useful.
- It corrects or encourages a course of action.
- It is specific.
That is all it takes to make your feedback appetizing. Feedback should always be useful. If a leader is to give feedback, then the leaders must by definition supply information or data that will alter or correct an outcome.
“You’re an idiot!” is ineffective feedback. What correction is being advised? How can the receiver use that? They can’t! This is a personal attack or the result of pent up frustration on the givers part. If this is all the “feedback” one is given, how will one know what to do differently next time? How can they grow?
Effective feedback is always useful. “This report paints a really good big picture, but I also need to see more financial details.” This statement gives the receiver something to correct specifically.
Feedback should never be:
- A vent
- A personal attack
- Purposefully embarrassing
Feedback doesn’t always have to be correcting. It can be used to praise and encourage.This is known as positive feedback, praise, or compliments.
“Great job!” as stand alone feedback is ineffective. People want and need to know specifically what was great about it.
“I really liked the way you put the financial details in a chart instead of as bullets. It made it really easy to understand.”
This example of positive feedback, allows the receiver to mentally connect his or her actions to an outcome. In this example, his or her actions brought ease of understanding.
Note: When employee evaluation time comes around, if you keep a running list of feedback, especially the positives, you can really paint a clear and accurate picture of how your workers contribution have helped. Your worker in turn can know which of his skills are valued and which need improvement.
Drama free confrontation begins with understanding the fundamentals of feedback. Confrontation is a specific type of feedback. By making sure our feedback is useful, specific, void of personal attacks, and not intentionally embarrassing, you can see how we are laying the ground work for drama free confrontation already. Next week, we conclude this series with a drama free definition, and tips on what to say.
Ok! Your turn to practice your feedback skills. Give me some feedback on this post. Don’t forget make is specific and useful!
Your addition of the illustration from the Cosby show really is what made this article work for me. It’s such an incredibly simple explanation of a concept that could otherwise be difficult to put into words. And your three bullet points on what feedback should not be are spot on. Great information here Julia! Keep up the great work with your writing!
Daniel, your feedback lets me know I should use more examples to illustrate points. Finding just the right one can really help me connect to my readers. Thanks for that useful and specific information 😉
I loved the illustration as well. As for me, I can do a better job of giving people the reasons behind the “great job” that I give. That was my favorite part of this post, because we need more detailed leaders in their approach to feedback. Thanks for this great post, Julia.
Don’t forget Adam, there is nothing wrong with saying “great job” every now and then. But if our aim as leaders to grow our people, we have to get in the habit of being specific as well. I wish I could have found the clip online because the scene is powerful.
This is good stuff right here. I absolutely love giving feedback whether it is positive or correctional. I usually start by asking questions to get their perspective and allow them to do self analysis to find what I’ve found. This gets us both on the same page at the get go and doesn’t set up the conversation for a bash fest.
That being said, Julia… what do you think is great about this post? What are you most proud in the context of this content?
I too, like the Cosby illustration with the trash can lid, it paints a perfect picture of the message you are trying to deliver.
Leo, are you asking me to give myself feedback?! LOL. You would! Ok, here goes.
I am most proud of a simple concept. Feedback has to be useful. I showed examples of both effective and ineffective feedback as a point of comparison. I am also think the Cosby show illustration gets us thinking about if we are being intentional or haphazard in our feedback presentation.