I have a lot of relationships and friends. I have almost 5,000 relationships on Facebook, over 1,800 on Twitter, over 1,000 on Instagram and Pinterest, and over 1,000 combined on G+ and LinkedIn. But, there are very few people that I interact with on a direct or one-on-one level consistently. It’s the strange paradox we find our relationships in while in the midst of this social media age.
Most of us understand that relationships need nurturing. If you are in a relationship and you never see each other or communicate with each other, is there really anything there? I know as a married man, if my wife and I don’t communicate or spend time together, then that means things aren’t going too well.
A deeper connection
Sometimes it’s scary to be connected with so many people, to have so many relationships, but the interactions are minimal or superficial at best (a RT here, a LIKE there, etc.). To really have meaningful relationships we must go deeper, and going deeper doesn’t happen by accident. We have to be intentional.
I must admit, I struggle with it in a major way. I’m working on it, and I am putting some things in place to help me do so. Here are 3 ways I plan to be more intentional in my relationships, that can help you do the same.
- Create a list. Who is most important in your life? Of course your spouse/kids and immediate family, but who else? Write their names all down (including your spouse and kids). Use paper, your smartphone, Evernote, your computer, or even a voice recorder. Have a list of people that are very important to you, and vice versa, and that you want to go deeper with.
- Touch them regularly. Writing the names down doesn’t do any good if you don’t take some action. You want to interact with them on a regular basis, and if possible, interact with them one-on-one. The interaction doesn’t always have to be in person. It can be a phone call, an email, a card in the mail. Anything that allows you to “touch” them.
- Create a system to keep you on track. We all have good intentions, but we don’t always follow through on them. Having a simple system or tool to keep you on track is helpful. You may use a task management system, a calendar, or an app to remind you. Find something that will help you when life gets crazy and you feel like you are all over the place, because that will happen. I recently discovered the Intentional app that does just that. It’s a free app available for iPhones and Android phones that I’ll be trying out.
As we continue to live and have relationships where everybody is connected (via social), but nobody is connected (in real life), make sure you go deeper in your relationships. Don’t let them stay surface or social media level. Go beyond that to experience richer and more fulfilling relationships.
What other ways can you be more intentional in your relationships? Please share in the comment section below.
photo credit: JefferyTurner via photopin cc
Great post, Jackie. Really interested in the intentional app. Have to try that out. Love point #2. Cutting out distraction always seems to be on the top of my list.
If you’ve given it a try and have feature requests, let me know. I already have a small list of things I need to do after I get some other higher priority things working (like iOS8 compatibility).
Hi Jackie. I’m interested in the Intentional app as well. I am a mother of five (two from my husband’s former marriage) and ten grandchildren (with an 11th coming in October) and two great-grandchildren (with a 3rd coming in September). I keep thinking that one of the most important things I can be doing on this planet is giving myself to these family members. They are scattered from the top to the bottom of the west coast while I am in Montana. Sometimes weeks will go by and I’ll realize I have not talked with some of them…in a day when we have Skype and Facetime! That’s ridiculous. I think an app like what you described could be key…and, writing down who means the most to me in life is a first step as well. Thanks again for the kick in the butt. :o)
Hi Linda! I’m the creator of Intentional. If you have any questions or requests for it, just let me know. I do read all the feedback from users and try to accomodate as much as I can.
Also, what part of Montana? My grandparents used to live in Billings and I’m originally from Williston, ND.
Hi Bryan! I downloaded the app to my phone right after this post came out and I just need a few minutes to set it up! I love that it gives me a message to remember to be intentional every day. I think, “Oh yeah…I want to be intentional!” I think this is a great idea. Thanks! I am in Helena, MT. I grew up in Los Angeles and was in California for most of my life but moved to Missoula in 1994. Been here ever since. Have a wonderful day!
Great post Jackie about actually connecting with people.