[dropshadowbox align=”none” effect=”lifted-both” width=”565px” height=”” background_color=”#e4e4e4″ border_width=”1″ border_color=”#dddddd” ]This is the first post on my blog from Jackie Bledsoe, Jr. He writes a Family Leadership blog at jackiebledsoe.com. He is the creator of the series, “March DADness: Preparing Dads to Make a Championship Run in Fatherhood,” & the author of, “Lovers and Fighters: How to Love & Fight Your Way to a Better Marriage” (available soon). He will be posting here on asmithblog.com every Monday to give us tips on how we can improve the most important relationships in our lives.[/dropshadowbox]
Have you reached the Al & Peggy Bundy point in your marriage? That point where your marriage is boring, but acceptable. When you realize you were doing this exact same thing last week, at this exact same time, and you have the exact same feeling of complete boredom!
Your marriage isn’t horrible, but it isn’t great either. Your marriage…just is.
How did you get to this point?
And how can you get past this point?
Is that even possible?
Seasons in marriage
It is possible to get through a boring season in your marriage. But not without being intentional. My marriage has gone through many seasons. Seasons of excitement. Seasons of frustration. Seasons of confusion! And yes, seasons of sheer boredom.
What I noticed in our boring marriage was it lacked purpose. The comfort of coming home to a spouse who we knew would be there was fine. The comfort of our daily routine of work, home and sleep was alright. Or the daily task of shuffling kids to and from was pretty normal and not too bad. The comfort of life in general left us passionless and purposeless.
Marriage fools gold
Just like any other issue in life, until you recognize there is a problem you can’t get help. Comfort can be a placebo for a fulfilling marriage. You may really think your marriage is good, but…
- You don’t talk like you used to
- You would rather be by yourself
- TV, housework, or Facebook is much more appealing
- You and your spouse’s needs are unmet, but it is acceptable
- You don’t like it, but you think others have more serious problems
Take an honest look, or get a second opinion
When you feel sick, you go to the doctor. You go to the doctor to find out what is wrong, and develop a plan to fix it.
The worse you feel, the quicker you go to the doctor to get your plan, or your remedy to feel better. You become passionate about not feeling the way you have been feeling.
It took some pain or discomfort to get you there. And it took somebody else to tell you (in medical terms) what you already knew…the fact you were no longer comfortable! Your marriage isn’t much different.
How to go from boring, to really enjoying marriage
There are several ways to get out of that boring marriage season. The first is similar to the sick patient visit to the doctor. Experience some discomfort. It may not be the route you really want to take, but going through some challenges will quickly make you reassess yourself and your marriage and become passionate about making changes.
We’ve been through that before, and I’d much rather be intentional about going from boredom to fundom (yes, I did just make up a word…stay with me anyway).
Below are several intentional ways to get the passion and the fun back in your marriage.
1. Make a habit of assessing your marriage. Regularly discuss the “state of your marriage” with your spouse. You can also talk with a couple close to you, or even a pastor/counselor/marriage mentor. Discuss what you want to do, what you want your marriage to be, and make a plan.
2. Date regularly. This seems like “old hat” marriage advice. But you’d be surprised how many couples do not date regularly. Most of us dated our spouses before marriage. Which eventually led to us getting married. Resume dating if you have stopped, and make it a priority.
3. Get out of dodge. Leave town, go somewhere, see something different than what you always see. If money is a problem, find a creative way to spend some time away form your normal, and comfortable setting.
4. Expand your circle. Maybe your circle of friends is in the same season as you. Don’t ditch ‘em, but expand your circle. I’ve read the people you hang around with today and the books you read today, will be the person you become in the next five years. Is marriage the same?
5. Learn more about marriage. God has created marriage to be this wonderful union. Not an easy one, but he tells us husbands we find favor when we find a wife. Study how marriage was intended to work, attend retreats, marriage classes. Typically learning more about something increases your passion for it.
Don’t settle for a run of the mill, boring marriage. Your marriage can be better than that. Your marriage can be great! It’s up to you (and your spouse) whether to stay comfortable, or experience a truly fulfilling marriage.
If you are unfulfilled with the state of your marriage today, what intentional actions can you take to be fulfilled? You can leave your comment below.