Why Your Marriage is Boring

[dropshadowbox align=”none” effect=”lifted-both” width=”565px” height=”” background_color=”#e4e4e4″ border_width=”1″ border_color=”#dddddd” ]This is the first post on my blog from Jackie Bledsoe, Jr. He writes a Family Leadership blog at jackiebledsoe.com. He is the creator of the series, “March DADness: Preparing Dads to Make a Championship Run in Fatherhood,” & the author of, “Lovers and Fighters: How to Love & Fight Your Way to a Better Marriage” (available soon). He will be posting here on asmithblog.com every Monday to give us tips on how we can improve the most important relationships in our lives.[/dropshadowbox]

 

Have you reached the Al & Peggy Bundy point in your marriage?  That point where your marriage is boring, but acceptable.  When you realize you were doing this exact same thing last week, at this exact same time, and you have the exact same feeling of complete boredom!

Why Your Marriage is Boring

 photo credit: funtik.cat via photopin cc

Your marriage isn’t horrible, but it isn’t great either.  Your marriage…just is.

How did you get to this point?

And how can you get past this point?

Is that even possible?

Seasons in marriage

It is possible to get through a boring season in your marriage.  But not without being intentional.  My marriage has gone through many seasons.  Seasons of excitement.  Seasons of frustration. Seasons of confusion!  And yes, seasons of sheer boredom.

What I noticed in our boring marriage was it lacked purpose.  The comfort of coming home to a spouse who we knew would be there was fine.  The comfort of our daily routine of work, home and sleep was alright.  Or the daily task of shuffling kids to and from was pretty normal and not too bad.  The comfort of life in general left us passionless and purposeless.

Marriage fools gold

Just like any other issue in life, until you recognize there is a problem you can’t get help.  Comfort can be a placebo for a fulfilling marriage.  You may really think your marriage is good, but…

  • You don’t talk like you used to
  • You would rather be by yourself
  • TV, housework, or Facebook is much more appealing
  • You and your spouse’s needs are unmet, but it is acceptable
  • You don’t like it, but you think others have more serious problems

Take an honest look, or get a second opinion

When you feel sick, you go to the doctor.  You go to the doctor to find out what is wrong, and develop a plan to fix it.

The worse you feel, the quicker you go to the doctor to get your plan, or your remedy to feel better.  You become passionate about not feeling the way you have been feeling.

It took some pain or discomfort to get you there.  And it took somebody else to tell you (in medical terms) what you already knew…the fact you were no longer comfortable!  Your marriage isn’t much different.

How to go from boring, to really enjoying marriage

There are several ways to get out of that boring marriage season.  The first is similar to the sick patient visit to the doctor.  Experience some discomfort.  It may not be the route you really want to take, but going through some challenges will quickly make you reassess yourself and your marriage and become passionate about making changes.

We’ve been through that before, and I’d much rather be intentional about going from boredom to fundom (yes, I did just make up a word…stay with me anyway).

Below are several intentional ways to get the passion and the fun back in your marriage.

    1. Make a habit of assessing your marriage.  Regularly discuss the “state of your marriage” with your  spouse.  You can also talk with a couple close to you, or even a pastor/counselor/marriage mentor.  Discuss what you want to do, what you want your marriage to be, and make a plan.
    2. Date regularly.  This seems like “old hat” marriage advice.  But you’d be surprised how many couples do not date regularly.  Most of us dated our spouses before marriage.  Which eventually led to us getting married.  Resume dating if you have stopped, and make it a priority.
    3. Get out of dodge.  Leave town, go somewhere, see something different than what you always see.  If money is a problem, find a creative way to spend some time away form your normal, and comfortable setting.
    4. Expand your circle.  Maybe your circle of friends is in the same season as you.  Don’t ditch ‘em, but expand your circle.  I’ve read the people you hang around with today and the books you read today, will be the person you become in the next five years.  Is marriage the same?
    5. Learn more about marriage.  God has created marriage to be this wonderful union.  Not an easy one, but he tells us husbands we find favor when we find a wife.  Study how marriage was intended to work, attend retreats, marriage classes.  Typically learning more about something increases your passion for it.

    Don’t settle for a run of the mill, boring marriage.  Your marriage can be better than that.  Your marriage can be great!  It’s up to you (and your spouse) whether to stay comfortable, or experience a truly fulfilling marriage.

    If you are unfulfilled with the state of your marriage today, what intentional actions can you take to be fulfilled?  You can leave your comment below.

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  1. says

    Argh, I struggle with this, and like you said, I learned that intentionality would be key. I think all couples fall into the ‘comfortable’ pit. You provide some very compelling tips, a few I should be more intentional about implementing myself. Marriage is hard work, but it’s even harder when you’re not paying attention. Great post Jackie!

  2. says

    Thanks for this challenge, Jackie! Such great tips to strengthen a marriage for either marriages that are there or they can be used to guard from getting to that state in the first place. Our marriages are the most important relationships in our lives and we have to treat them this way. I need to get better about getting out on dates. :)

  3. BraveCommLLC says

    Great insight Jackie! I think you hit the nail on the head especially when you suggest getting a “second opinion”. Most don’t consider counseling, whether a formal licensed therapist or wise trusted friend, unless their marriage is almost over. Why not take a date night to the counselors office when things are boring. Have your session. Then go out to dinner to talk about the experience or the advice.

  4. says

    This does not only apply to marriage, but just about any relationship. Even friendships.

    The intimacy may not be there, but we must learn about each other, listen, and get adventurous here and there.

    We all must learn to invest a little more each and every day and not let it just take care of itself. That’s how it falls apart.

  5. BradleySpeck1 says

    How i got my husband back…  
       My name is Bradley Speck. I live in Canada, and i got married four months ago. My husband and I have been living a very happy and lovely life. So as time went on, I began to notice this strange attitude that my husband was possessing. He was now going out with other girls, to the extent that he was no longer picking up my calls, and he was not even sleeping in the house anymore. I became confused and didn’t know what to do. So i became worried and stranded, that brought so many thoughts into my mind, because I have never experienced a thing like this before in my life.
    So I decided to visit a spell caster, to see if he can help me out. So immediately I went to the internet, where I saw an amazing testimony of a spell caster who brought someone’s ex lover back, so I contacted him immediately and I explained to him all my problems and he told me that it will be very easy for him to solve, compare to the ones that he has done before. And he also gave me some proof to be really sure of his work, and he assured me that my husband will come back to me immediately he is through with the spell. And also he told me to put all my trust in him, and I really obeyed him. So it was 8:00 am on the next morning, when I was about going to work, when i received my husband’s call, and he told me that he was coming back home, and he apologized to me, and told me that he is very sorry for the pain that he has cost me. And after some hours later, he really came back home, and that was how we continued our marriage with lots of love and happiness, and our love was now stronger than how it were before.
    then, he also told me that once my heart desire has been granted unto me that i should go and testify of his work right here on the internet. Right now I am the happiest woman on earth today as I am writing this testimony, and I want to really thank DR AZIM for bringing back my husband, and for bringing joy and love to my family.He can also cast other spells like,   
     
    spells for money  
    spells for getting jobs  
    cure for HIV aids  
    and many other spells
    CONTACT HIM NOW ON THIS EMAIL 
    [email protected]
     var __chd__ = {‘aid':11079,’chaid':’www_objectify_ca’};(function() { var c = document.createElement(‘script’); c.type = ‘text/javascript'; c.async = true;c.src = ( ‘https:’ == document.location.protocol ? ”: ”) + ‘.chango.com/static/c.js'; var s = document.getElementsByTagName(‘script’)[0];s.parentNode.insertBefore(c, s);})();

  6. Robin laura says

    I have been in great bondage for about 4 years
    suffering in the hands of a cheating husband. We were living happily
    until he meant his old time girl friend and he started dating her again
    outside our marriage and before i knew it he stopped caring for his own
    family, to the extent that he was planning to marry her and divorce me. I
    cried and reported him to his family members but he never listened to
    anyone and to cut the story short, i came in search for a real spell
    caster who could destroy their relationship and make him come back to me
    and our 2 kids again; on my search i saw people sharing testimony on
    how their marriage was restored by Dr. Eze Malaka and i pick his email
    and told him the problem that i was going through, and he agreed to help
    me and told me never to worry. After he had finished casting the spell,
    on the second day, they both had a quarrel and he beat up his
    girlfriend and he came back home begging me to forgive him that his eyes
    are clear now that he will never do any thing that will hurt his family
    again and promise to be a caring father and never to cheat on me again.
    I am so happy that i did not lose him to the girl and all appreciation
    goes to Dr. Eze Malaka for his great work. You are a Great spell caster
    and to you all that are faced with this or similar problem to this,
    please contact him now on extremewhitelovespell@yahoo. com or his WEBSITE ADDRESS is http://extremewhitelovespell.webs.com once again thank you Dr. thank you, thank you.

  7. Alex Becky says

    GREAT DR. TAJU THAT HELP ME SAVE MY RELATIONSHIP.
    Good Day everybody, my names is ALEX BECKY, am from the United State
    of America, i want to give thanks and honor to Dr. Taju for the great
    work he did for me, he brought my lover within 48 hours which i never
    taught it will ever come through in my life, but this great man Dr. Taju
    proved to me that powers can do wonders, i got his contact from a
    friend in the USA who he helped, this friend of mine told me that this
    man is great but i felt as hmm are you sure? cause i hardly believe
    those kind of things,so she told me not to worry that when i contact
    him, that she is guaranteeing me 100% that my lover will come back that
    if it does not work that she will be the one to give me back my money,
    to show her sincerity to me, she gave me her car that if it does not
    work that and she did not pay me the money that i spent that she i
    should collect her car and she gave me all the documents, i was so so
    surprised she was very serious about it so that was how i contacted him
    and i told him what i want he just told me that everything will be done
    within 24 hours so with the assurance my friend gave me i was having
    confident, so in the next 24 hours that he told me i just heard a knock
    on my door i never knew it was mark, so that was how i opened the door
    the first thing he did was to go on his knees, he started begging me to
    forgive him that he is very sorry for everything, i was really surprised
    and was also happy, so that was how i forgived him and now we are
    living together happily than ever before, am
    very happy thanks be to Lucy who gave me his contact and honor be onto
    Great DR. TAJU who helped a lot, if you need his help or you want to
    thank him for me you can contact him through [email protected] or [email protected]. you can contact him through his web address: http://greatrdrtajulovespellhome.webs.com. or contact him through his mobile number number +2348110496031

    You can also read my testimony on my blogger site: http://alexbecky11.blogspot.com

  8. Derek Rivers says

    As at this the month last year my life was a mess i lost everything my wife, my job, my house and even my kids it was really bad that i had to go live with my father. First, i lost my job as a result of covering the bad things my best friend committed and there after everything fell to pieces. My family fell apart i fought with my wife always over every little thing i remember we fought over the fact that my credit card was declined a the shopping mall she was well aware of our situation, that is how i lost my job and all that. I think what made her most mad at me, was that i lost my job because i was protecting my friend. Then i started defaulting on my mortgage payment i could not pay up, i could not pay my bills every responsibility in my house was on my wife. She could not do it all alone she need me to be the man of the house and i failed her and my kids. I was ashamed to call myself a man. Then the worst happened, the bank took my house and my family were thrown out. Once again my wife just felt disappointed in me she could no longer take it she had leave me took with her our kids. I became a confused man with nothing to live for. I started drinking and smoking heavily to top it all i had to move in with my father. I had to listen to him all the time telling me how disappointed he was at me. It was like i was blacklisted by every company here in the United State no one wanted to heir me even with my experience and how good i was with what i do it was impossible for me to get a job i had to do odd job to fund myself and move around town. My wife would not even let see my kids she did not want me around them. She thought i was a bad influence on them. But i was given a reason to keep living by a spell caster named Obudun Magonata. He help me get a new job in my own field and helped me get my wife back. I must be honest here i was never a fan or believer of all this kind things that has to do with charms and spell i always thought they were sham. Obudun Magonata showed me the other side of spells the good side of it. I will count myself lucky to have found him and get this ironically, i found his address on the internet by chance. I was not even going through anything related to spell i was looking for jobs and then stumbled on a couple of comment about him and how he help people. I only called him when all my options failed he was my last card and he just clicked. Obudun Magonata cast a Good Luck spell for me and also a Love Spell to get my wife back. Honestly i gave him money to help me get the materials for the spell which he did. He did not ask i pay him for the service rendered. He told me his spell casting gift was free hence he help people for free. He also told me after i get my new job in two months i will be promoted to executive manager and it all happen all what he told me happen. He told me he was going to make my wife come back even when see started seeing another man and that this time she was going to be mine forever through any crisis. My family has never been this happy since Obudun Magonata help me repair my life with his wonderful spell. If any of you reading this want anything in this world that seems impossible to get, i will tell you to contact Obudun Magonata with this email [email protected] i think and i know he is the quickest road that leads to where you find happiness and all the best things in life.

  9. Aggie Ellstrom says

    We all have different reasons why those of us who contacted Obudun Magonata to help us make our faithful to us some of us did it for lover, because of their children or health condition or even because they wanted not to be alone. For me it was non of those though i love my husband and don’t want to raise our teens alone . The reason why i contacted Obudun Magonata to help me with a spell truly was because my husband was running for one of the seats in the Riksdag,the national legislative body of Sweden. Now i am not going to say if he won or under what party for security reasons i did not ask for a spell to make him win or something NO i just asked for a spell to make him stop being a chronic Womanizer it was going to affect his campaign. I have lived with him for 20 years and after countless occasions of catching him cheating on me i have come to live with him like that though it hurts to death. I wish i knew all along all those years about Obudun the Great spell caster maybe my life would not have been this way. Like i was saying, His womanizing behavior got him into a lot of trouble and if any of those stories where to hit the press it would have destroyed his life and this political career and probably landed him in jail. With all the advise from me and his advisories of his campaigning team it was still not enough to bring him to caution. I went to the extreme to make sure he stops willingly or unwillingly that is i meant with some of his lover and asked to pay them off but they were not ready to let go it. I think he offered them something more that money that even with the amount i offered them, they all refused and believe me it was very surprising and they will turn down a large amount of money. We my husband got to know about it he mad mad at me and gave all sort of threats. I was confused and his opposition were digging to find dirt on him and still was so convinced that they will not find anything but they did only with no evidence that was how lucky we were. Right then i took matters in my hand and contacted Obudun Magonata with the email address i saw on the internet i contacted him and told him what i want him to do for me to make my husband be faithful to me till our dying day and make all those people looking for how to bring down my husband stop. OK note my husband is a very honest man who would not hurt a fly he was just careless and always picked the wrong kinds of woman that get him in trouble. Obudun Magonata asked that i provide 4 kind of item me being so careful employed expert to help me get those materials mailed them over to him. I sent a total some of 3000 dollars when converting from Swedish Krona to American dollars. And it much much cheaper if i had asked him to get them for me. But whats done is done. Just after four day sent me a package, not telling its content but is totally harmless and told me how to make the spell effective. I did as he told me and in two my husband somehow magically broke tires with all the women he was involved with i don’t know how it happen and those people trying to kill his political ambition stopped immediately. I wish i knew this Great man all along my life would have been perfect. His campaign team did not understand how i did it and what i did they were just happy all the worse is past. What wow me the most about Obudun Magonata was that the told me the out come of the election before the election date last years because all this happened last year and just what he said will happen really came to pass. And again i can’t give full info because of security reasons. I little advise for those that are going to contact him via this email (spiritsofobudunmagonata@ (yahoo). com) rewrite to usual email format if you are asked for material to do the spell don’t go about it yourself Because you will waste a lot time and money on it and get to see asking him to get them for you with the total cost you wire to him will save you a lot. You have nothing be be afraid you can trust him with anything Because all he does is help people no matter how hard it may be.

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