A while back I was in the gym running on the treadmill. As I glanced up at the TV I caught the phrase ‘What happens when those who lead us, insult us?’
Now, I don’t know what they were talking about or in what context, but the very text of this phrase got me thinking.
Are we cognizant of our actions and aware that the things we say or do (or don’t do!) might actually be insulting to those we are supposed to be leading?
A lot of leaders have a tendency to lose focus, instead of providing clarity on what is already in sight. This happens to the best of us, and sometimes we end up insulting the team without even knowing it. This can create long term problems if not recognized and dealt with immediately.
3 things leaders might subconsciously be doing to insult their team
1. They ignore them
A team member approaches you with a problem and is expecting to hear some wisdom or gain some insight. What they get in return are empty promises, no satisfaction and blank stares. The team member feels as if they have been abandoned and are not sure where or who to turn to next.
2. They make assumptions
You have made assumptions about the team and their individual actions without taking the time to find a real solution. These assumptions may be based on postive intentions, but your actions were not interpreted as so.
3. It doesn’t seem like they care
You have unplugged yourself from the mission. The team has been working very hard and have no support. In addition to the lack of support, they are also not receiving the recognition that is required.
3 things you can do to prevent subconscious insults
1. Take intentional action towards serving
Put yourself in their place. If you were trying to deliver on a task and then hit a roadblock, what would you expect to get in return when prying for insight? If you can not help right away, write it down, and provide a time when they can expect to hear back from you.
If you are the one looking up to someone else for a little service, ask a simple question like “When can I follow up with you concerning this?” Asking this puts the action back in your hands while leaving a deadline to get feedback.
2. Be quick to ask more questions first
‘Don’t jump to conclusions.’ We have all heard this term used in some context before. It holds true in every situation though. By making quick assumptions backed by a lack of evidence, a leader can lose trust and quickly alienate himself from the team. The minute you suspect the need for a change, ask questions first. There is a good chance that the team will have more knowledge on the specific issue because they have been in the fight longer.
3. Show them that you care
The team has taken the project and literally ran with it. They have done you well in the past and earned your trust. Now you have confidence in them and it can be easy to become disengaged from the whole collaborative effort. Despite the fact that they can absolutely handle it, and there is no need for the project to be “managed”, you should at least get in on the fun. Take a moment to recognize their hard work and do something creative like taking the reigns so they can go home an hour early.
Are you consciously aware of your subconscious actions?
Photo Credit: Lotus Carroll via Compfight cc
You’re definitely right, once you get a well-oiled machine running and operating efficiently, it’s easy to just walk away and let it do it’s thing. But with people you can’t do that. You have to stay engaged and continue to develop them and invest your time in helping them become better.
Right on Brady. What are some things you’re doing to develop your team?
I try to stay aware, but I miss it sometimes. Thanks for this great reminder and awesome post, Leo!
You’re not alone Adam, it happens to the best of us. Sometimes we have to take a giant step back to see the whole picture.
I quit my last job and found a new one mostly because I felt insulted. The three things you mention are exactly what went wrong! The question is when you are under a leader who is insulting what can you do to remedy it? I suppose opening a line of communication would help. I do not know. Any ideas?
Sean,
I had the same thought. What should a leader do once when they have insulted? Sounds like a follow up post in the making Leo!
Hey Julia, to honor brevity and to answer your question:
1. Realize it. As leaders we should always be analayzing ourselves and asking for feedback. For some, this may sound like a weak thing to do, but the exact opposite is true.
I’ll stop right there before I end up publishing this post in the comments, haha.
Thanks for engaging my brain Julia!
Sean, you are exactly right. If you feel like you have been insulted, the best thing to do is to come right out and say it.
Well, not in front of the whole team of course. Don’t do that. It’s disrespectful.
Anyhow, if it’s a situation like I describe in this post, there is a very good chance the leader has done it without realizing it. You may actually be doing him/her a disservice by NOT talking with them.
If you are talking with someone that doesn’t care to listen to you, a bigger problem exists. The best you can do at that point is to be persistent. Work your tail off. Set the example. And if all else fails, leave.
Generally speaking, if this leader is a poster for the culture of the place, and you can’t seem to change it, then it is obviously not a fit for you. It’s a sad situation, but this stuff happens all the time. Good news is, somewhere out there is a culture that you ARE a fit for. You will never put in your best work if you are feeling like you don’t belong. That won’t mesh for you or the organization.
I hope this helps, thank you for asking. I enjoy interacting with our readers, you humble me and make me think.
Leo,
Wondered if the phrase was on a sports channel because the first thing that came to mind is all the fiasco and nightmare-ish situations that came out in sports. Something heinous happens in the locker room, (hazing, abuse, or mistreatment) someone might take their concerns to leadership and they say “toughen up”. In essence that is leadership ignoring.
Great post! Thanks!
Julia, it was actually a news channel and was about a month ago. I haven’t had a chance to catch up on the hazing mess yet, but from what I gather so far, yes it seems there was a lack of oversight and some use of “blinders”. Am I right?
Whether we are talking the latest events or past ones, there is always lack of oversight and blinders involved.