My company Creative Thought Media produces a webseries called Single and Anxious. It’s an ode to our single lives and a contemporary way to express the highs and lows of singleness.
While writing and filming the series, I get a chance to confront a lot of issues that plagued me and my single friends. When you are single and young you rarely take the time to consider the effects of your actions.
Here are four things I would tell my 19-year-old self about sex outside of marriage.
- You will regret it – People are deciding not to get married at all and settle for relationships with no covenant. But, there are so many great things found within the marriage relationship, including sex. So many of my friends and I have talked about losing their virginity and the effects that it has on our hearts. When you are young, you do not fully understand the ramifications of your choices. You don’t realize that you are losing a part of you that you can never get back. You are giving the one gift that God has given you to give to another. You will not only regret it emotionally, but you will regret it physically. When you have sex outside of marriage, you give your gift of personal intimacy to a person that has not proven themselves worthy of it by taking your hand in marriage.
- He/she won’t love you more – This is the age old myth. Most people have sex outside of marriage with the assumption that by giving their bodies to others that they will make those people love them more. Just think about all the people you know who lost their virginity before marriage. How many of them are together? The average age that children are losing their viriginity is by the age of 13 now. All of these children are under the assumption that sex will bring them closer to their partner or that they are missing something.
- It’s not as good as it looks in the movies – I know the sex scenes in the movies look amazing to your visual lenses. Even if you just view the cuddling scenes, it looks perfect. Let me tell you something as a filmmaker. IT IS NOT REAL. It’s the movies.
- Your friends are lying – If your friends are anything like mine were, we talked about sex all the time. Thinking back I am positive we were all lying in some sort of way. This is just one way in which we compensated for our emptiness. And besides that, it occupied our minds with thoughts that weren’t edifying or productive.
I am sure we all have things we considered before having sex outside of marriage. There are many other reasons why sex outside of marriage isn’t the best answer. This being said, we all need to be more conscious to spread the truth about sex, especially to younger people. Of course we can’t go back and change our past, but we can help others along the way to help them form a better present and future.
Don’t settle for any less than what God has designed for you.
thank you for your points here, Christina. A topic that is usually not talked about, but the unproductive thoughts are something we have all dealt with. It’s a necessary discussion when we talk about relationships for sure. I mean you’re right – this topic isn’t just for young people either. People are deciding not to get married and for valid reasons. And even if you are young, leading with your life isn’t reserved for the older. If people grasp hold of these concepts now in their young age, they will accomplish more, live a better life, and ultimately have better relationships. And if you are older and not married, then that’s awesome, too. No matter where you are at in life, we are talking about living a productive, positive, wholesome, loving life. And all of thee things can be found in each and every one of our relationships.
Definitely. I completely agree. We have to be so intentional with our lives.
Love your straight forward and honest writing!
Thank you. In this crowded world it’s better to be straight forward and honest. We only have 30 seconds of attention.