Recently I read a post by Seth Godin that really got to me.
Seth said, “It’s easy to feel confident when we’re on a roll, when the cards are going our way, or we’re closing sales left and right.”
How true is that? We nail a couple of sales at work, we connect at home with our spouse without even trying, or win $15 on a $1 scratch off lottery ticket. Immediately we feel confidence leaping out of us. Our thoughts tell us we can keep nailing big projects and it will just become a habit. That connecting with our spouse can become effortless and stay that way. That we should reinvest the $14 we won from the lottery on buying more lottery tickets to win more ‘easy’ money.
Seth calls this “symptomatic confidence.” But as we can all tell, none of these things seem to have taken much effort or provided any sort of difficulty.
Like the basketball player who gets a triple double or scores 40+ points in a night, it cannot last. They may be feeling the shot one night, but the next night the same player might be lucky to score 10 points. The confidence they carried the night before is long gone.
So if we want to change the game, what do we do?
Set yourself apart by making a shift from symptomatic confidence to internal confidence.
Confidence should emanate from within instead of spawning from fickle external circumstances.
But, how do you set yourself apart by making the shift?
Start working on it today. Building true confidence does not happen overnight. It is a process just like everything else in life. Start by trying external changes that affect internal attributes like dressing well, sitting up straight, making more eye contact, smiling more, being grateful, complimenting others, speaking up more often (regardless of how nervous you are inside), and working out. If you feel good about your external attributes, then what was once symptomatic confidence will slowly begin to emanate from within.
Don’t be a perfectionist. You will inevitably get bogged down. It’s the old 80/20 rule. If you get caught up in all the small stuff, you will spend 80% of your time on 20% of the work. Not very effective, right?
Try identifying your successes in life and focus on the talents that got you there. Build on them.
Ever heard the phrase, “fake it ’till you make it”? Why don’t you try that out. Fake your confidence until it becomes a habit you no longer have to think about. And even when you get knocked down because you didn’t quite fake it well enough, just get up and start all over again. Resiliency will serve you well on the road to building confidence.
Do you feel like you lack confidence? If so, how will you change that? How will you gain the confidence you need to set yourself apart? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments!
Great post, Daniel. Gotta love what Seth says. If I ever feel like I am lacking confidence I do try to get more “wins” for myself because you are right, it does build confidence. And then surrounding yourself with people that encourage you is the second key. And then of course preparing for what is at hand. Confidence soars when you know that you know what you are doing.
True confidence comes from being ok if you are winning or not 😉 Just sayin…
Hey Max. So true. A little vulnerability here. 🙂
Yep sometimes we gotta fake it till we make it for sure but striving to have that “It’s all good whatever the outside circumstances are showing me” creates an energy that attracts practically everything. Do u agree?
Absolutely. I love that you put “striving” because that is what we are all striving for, right? At some point we have to decide to be confident no matter what, but I found that comes with practice, like most other things. This mainly because confidence has a lot to do with fear and that seems to be something that is there, but we do get to decide what we do with fear. It is an internal thing, like Seth said. I have just found that there are a few things that help. I believe you increase your odds with applying good principles and I also believe decisions and choices help bring positive outcomes, which never hurt. I just try to increase positivity in my life, because it has helped, not saying that all things will be positive but our perspective can increase it. I love Daniel’s advice of “Try identifying your successes in life and focus on the talents that got you there. Build on them.” Again, the more you do things that bring positivity, the better.
I love it Max! If you fake it long enough, one day you’ll recognize that you’ve transitioned from faking it to actually HAVING that confidence. Thanks for reading!
Thanks Daniel and Adam. Just posted this and it sort of sums it up:
List all the wonderful things that COULD happen.
Then you will start to believe they CAN happen.
If you stick with the CAN eventually they WILL happen…
You nailed it Adam! Thanks for reading!