Ever get the feeling people don’t like it when you tell the truth? Has lying become so normal that we either consciously or subconsciously scold people for telling the truth?
I was recently in the grocery store buying vegetables. I got a couple of organic peppers and then went to the front of the store to check out. The lady checking me out rang up my peppers at the conventional price. I said, “excuse me ma’am but those are organic.”
She looked at me and said “Oh”. Out loud I mused, “And now my price triples.” And she replied, “Yeah, why did you say something? I was ringing them up as usual. I could have saved you some money.” I said, “Well, I was just being honest.” She replied, “Oh..well…um…thank you.”
I wasn’t expecting to be thanked for being honest, but I was surprised that honesty was met with distain. Apparently lying is encouraged at work and justified. According to one business week article, people lie at work to get the job done. There is also a CBSnews article that suggests lying at work is permissible under certain conditions. I don’t want to be the moral police, but what does a person do when their boss encourages them not to be completely honest? I don’t mean like a Bernie Madoff or Lance Armstrong lie, but a little white lie.
In our comment challenge today, I want to ask your opinion.
Has lying become so normal that we either consciously or subconsciously scold people for telling the truth?
Are truth-tellers rightly criticized for being “naive”?
Give your point of view, spin, and observation based on your knowledge and experience. Write as much or as little as you like.
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I think one of the big reasons lying ends up in this grey space today is because of the distinction between actively lying and lying by omission. People are much more comfortable with lying by omission (similar to not alerting the cashier about the different price) than the more visible flat out lying.
I generally don’t agree with lying, but there are times when I wish my moral compass wasn’t so steadfast, if only to be able to escape the truth. I think I’m better for it though, as being someone who other’s can count on to be truthful definitely has it’s own benefits.
Ryan, you bring up a great point. Lies of omission or letting people believe something is true when its not, catch a lot of us. So where does it stop. If we will purposely lie by omission, then active lying can’t be far behind, right?
I believe that lying is becoming normalized in our society. It is happening via the politically correct cultural transformation of leadership and management. People of outstanding character base their lives, decisions, and actions on strong ethics, morals, and values. Recently and with increased frequency, we see our “role models” in all areas of life: church, government, business, education, and family to name a few, lying about the big things and the small things too. These failures do not go unnoticed and they sadly provide negative opportunities for training by example. Lying has no place in a society that places the highest value on strong ethics, morals, and values from its citizens.
Joe, thanks for commenting. You bring up a great point about the impact our “role models” have on us especially when they fall. I will admit when Lance Armstrong admitted to doping after all these years, I was heart broken. But then I realized people are human and that means flawed. The question is how can we more towards a truthful culture? What can the individual do make a difference?
I believe it has become ok to lie because people grade the seriousness of the lie. Like you said if it is just a little lie, it is no big deal. When people do what is right, everyone is affected positively. I learned at some point that what happened has happened, and telling the truth is the only option. You can’t change what has already happened, but telling the truth allows you to move forward.
Right Adam. It seems the result of the lie defines whether the lie is acceptable. But are we looking at the effects the lie will have on the liar? What happens to the person who lies? Are they transformed?
I believe the main effect on the liar is that it becomes easier to lie repeatedly. In return maybe this is where we are at. We have created cultures little by little that now makes it easier to lie because we have become used to it. Interesting.-
The only time I feel it’s acceptable to lie is to save other people’s feelings along the lines of “Does my bum look fat in this?”. Oh and to small children about Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy. Other than that it’s a complete no-no and I’m very sad to see that it looks like it’s becoming socially acceptable. Certainly people “biggiing themselves up” outrageously is much more common in very recent years, maybe it’s something to do with having to manage our images like a brand now that we are all so visible on social media, but I don’t think it’s necessary and I think we are losing something very precious and valuable if lying becomes the norm.
Yvonne, thanks for commenting. You bring up two really interesting point. 1) A lot of the articles I’ve read about lying at work advocate lying to save people’s feelings. Do you think there is a way to save people’s feeling and not lie?
2) Personal branding is a such an “in” thing right now that it seems exaggerating yourself, your skills, your product or your results is a marketing norm. I completely agree that something valuable is being lost by lying habitually…namely ourselves.
I think it has become commonplace, and I believe the ones encouraging or participating in this behavior justify it by calling it “creative problem solving” or something of the like.
@disqus_jEvLUEqhaJ:disqus LOL. Creative problem solving…I’ve heard that term before. It makes me chuckle.
Unfortunately, lying is commonplace. It’s usually small lies, but as people practice those small ones, lying gets easier and the lies get bigger. Two examples like yours with the organic veggies that happened to me. I had cable installed many years ago and the guy left a box that got every channel available when I only ordered basic cable. I had to call the company several times to get someone to fix that. The person on the phone said “Are you sure you want to tell me this?”. Another time I was at a festival with some friends and one of the food vendors was kind of inept. We waited a long time for our food and then he didn’t take the time to get our money. He just put the food on the counter and went on making other plates. My friends walked off thinking they had scored a deal, and thought I was crazy for waiting to get the guy’s attention so I could pay.
Rick,
Thanks for sharing. It is amazing how creative our brains can get when it comes to justifying questionable behavior isn’t it? You bring up a great point…the more you do it; the easier it becomes.
I commend you on your honesty in this situation. I would hope I would have done the same. I try to run my “truths” through 3 questions. I think your response met the criteria.
1) Is it truthful? 2) Is it harmful to anyone? 3) Is it necessary?
Dennis, those are great questions through which to filter decisions. Thanks for commenting and sharing.
I can’t talk about other’s splinters until I remove my own plank.
Thanks Kirby for commenting. It reminds all of us that we can judge other by their actions but looked to be judged by our intentions.
BUT. A Great read
Love this perspective. White lies are just as wrong as the big lies.