We all have this story of where we have been, where we are currently at in life, and where we are going, and usually the biggest contributor to this are the relationships in our life, and the biggest relationship we could ever have is our marriages. When your marriage is great, then life is great. But on the other hand, when your marriage isn’t going so well, then life doesn’t quite equal your expectations to living out a great life. We have all been there. If you have lived any sort of length of life, then you know life isn’t always perfect, no matter how much we want it to be. In these times life may look depressing, but it doesn’t have to. Our lives can be full of life when we choose for it to be. No, life may not always be perfect, but we can strive for it, and the first step is in showing that we care. Showing that we care about the people around us and care about where our lives end up in general, because living a great life makes a difference. When the marriage relationship is where it supposed to be, life is where it is supposed to be. The biggest part of leadership that we can all get better at is in our homes. It is a huge responsibility, but we can make it easier through making it the number one priority in our lives. Marriage is work, but the rewards from the work are plentiful. Just like anything else, you reap what you sow. It is up to you the amount of focus and energy you put into your relationships, but I do guarantee that you will get out of it what you put in. At some points in life, you feel the work more than other times. When things with your spouse are in harmony, everything else seems to fall into place. I don’t know about you, but I love these times in life! The goal should be to have these times more often. There has been a trend for years now where bad marriages have become the “norm”, but it doesn’t have to be this way. It is time to stop accepting this as as an okay thing. We all can do better than mediocre, right? If excellence in our marriages is a major priority, then we should at least have a better plan to actually make this happen.
Here are the 3 main areas for you to put a little more focus on to make your relationship with your spouse better overnight:
1. Quality Time
Devote more time to the most important person in your life; your spouse. Whether it is five more minutes a day, one more hour or a day per week. However busy your schedule is, you have the chance to make a bigger impact in your marriage by just showing that you care with your time. Think about your time and how you are spending it right now. I am sure there is at least a few more minutes you can devote to your marriage to make it stronger than it has ever been before.
To explain what I am talking about, let me tell you where Jasmine and I are currently at in life. Jasmine is pregnant with a little baby boy! We were just apart from each other for over two weeks and she is fighting sickness through her pregnancy right now. She is such a trooper, but it would be easy to let the lack of time we are spending together because of everything else going on to get in the way, but we strive to use our time well. Of course it isn’t that we are perfect with our time, but it is that we are striving to be. each of us know this about each other and understand obstacles, but at the end of the day we have both learned to set time aside more quality time for one another. You see, it isn’t always the amount of time that you think you have, but how you use it that counts. The need for quality time together right now is apparent, yet we are connected more than ever. We have been down that rocky road of where our marriage wasn’t going well, and we know that feeling of despair in the midst of it all too well. We don’t want to ever go back there again, and we know how to get there as well as how not to get there, and it begins with spending quality time with your spouse and family.
Here are some necessary questions to ask yourself along the way referring to your time:
Is there a good balance to your life?
Where is your time going?
Does your family need you more?
How can you better your relationship with your spouse through giving him/her more time?
These are just a few questions to ponder, but they are definitely valid ones. With time becoming less and less due to our schedules becoming busier through more obligations and expectations from others, we have to prioritize our most important relationships more than ever before. Scheduling time with your spouse isn’t a bad idea, as it ensures that time is actually devoted to one of your biggest priorities, the relationship you have with your spouse.
This is another huge aspect of marriage. For things to get better and better in marriage, you have to learn to communicate effectively with one another. You can’t hold your spouse accountable for the things they do not know, because you haven’t communicated them. Talk openly with your spouse and listen to what they have to say. Your spouse will have insight into things that you haven’t even thought of before. Trust me, your spouse sees things that you don’t, or at least that has been my experience. My wife is intuitive beyond belief. It seems that God has given her that amazing ability, so I have learned to listen to her guidance, as it has proven to save me from different mistakes along the way. Maybe you or your spouse have seen the same thing in the other person. Learn to listen and take your spouse’s knowledge to heart. You and your spouse are on the same team, so start acting like it. Grow that special relationship through communication.
3. Date Your Spouse
This point is one of the first things that gets neglected when we get busy, but it is an easy one to make happen. I am guilty of letting it be too long before a date occurs, but again we are both striving to make it happen and we know that. The issue for us is always the same. It becomes finding a babysitter, but I get exhausted in having the same excuse all the time. Striving to make something happen brings thing into existence. Of course you have to actually make it happen, but if it is on your radar, it is much more likely to happen. Time and communication are better spent when we are able to do these things during alone time. We all need to remember to have more fun, because it is. Start compiling a list together by finding things that you and your spouse both enjoy, so when the time comes your decisions have already been made for you and you can enjoy the time even more. Compiling this list together is a great discussion time and you can build up the excitement of having your date time to look forward to.
The points listed will help you both connect with each other. I would say a good rule of thumb is that if there is something in your life that allows for “disconnect”, then it is at least worth a discussion on what needs to be done to solve the issue or even a discussion on how to connect more through that area could help. 90% of the time there is actually an easy fix that can be done to improve the situation. Use these three point to dramatically improve your leadership in your home. Start there, and everything else in life will come.
My challenge to you is to begin focusing more attention on your home starting today. Leading starts in your home. You and your family deserve it.