How to Start Great Conversations to Make Powerful Connections – Jason Treu

 

 

[box]Jason Treu is one the top life mastery coach (and reformed lawyer) helping men and women create the business, relationships and life they love. His new #1 bestselling book, Social Wealth, is a how-to-guide on how to build extraordinary personal and professional relationships. You can download his free guide, “Six Exercises to Jump Start Your Professional Relationships.” Connect with him and get coaching at BeExtraordinary.tv.[/box]

Years ago, I was very nervous to approach strangers and especially large groups of people I didn’t know. I watched some of my friends dive into these situations with ease, and wondered how they made it look so easy and natural. Meanwhile, I found myself awkwardly alone, palms sweaty, clutching a cocktail, and desperately brainstorming witty things to say.

How did I go from being fearful and uncertain in meeting people and starting conversations to confident, energetic and positive?

There are ten key principles on how to start great conversations to make powerful connections. They made a huge difference in how I gained confidence and expertise in meeting new people, creating rapport, and building extraordinary relationships.

By practicing and using the information below, I mastered the relationship building process and mentor others across the world on how to do it.

By the time you finish this article you will learn how to:

• Start great conversations
• Never run out of things to say
• Build instant rapport and connection
• Leave people wanting to get to know you more

1. Delivery Trumps Content
People focus way too much on what to say and trying to say the right thing. Research has found your delivery is much more important than content in building rapport, especially in initial interactions.

It’s not WHAT you say, it’s HOW you say it.

People feed off your emotions, energy, and vibe, because you are projecting your thoughts and emotions to them. They feel and see your charisma and magnetism when you do this correctly, and when you are being yourself.

They are attracted to you and want to speak to you because of your nonverbal communication, confidence, strong positive convictions, and belief about who you are and what you want.

2. Speak Your Truth
People often overanalyze what they will say and hold back on saying what they feel and think.

You may not always have the most interesting thing to say, but people know you are just being yourself and saying what’s on your mind. People are attracted to and engaged by that type of confidence and vibe. And they will value what you say because it is coming from you.

3. Be Present
Being present in your conversations is huge.

When you’re not looking at the person you are speaking to (i.e., making poor eye contact) and instead you’re busy looking around to see what is going on across the room, you are creating a lose-lose situation.

The person you are talking to gets the signal that you aren’t interested in what they are saying and that you want to be somewhere else. So, you have blown that interaction.

Focus on the present moment and be engaged.

You can always excuse yourself and go talk to other people, but don’t lose out on opportunities when you don’t need to.

4. Stop Worrying About What to Say Next
When you are busy trying to think of the next thing to say, you are not really listening to the other person. You are trying to impress, or get someone to like you because you don’t feel you are good enough. You try to rack your brains for something clever or interesting because you believe that’s necessary to keep the conversation going.

But when you don’t worry about what comes next and you are present, true connections with others really start.

Focus on having a good time and just enjoying the moment you’re sharing with the other person. Stay in the moment and let the conversation flow out of you.

5. Be Authentically You
People are interested in what you are saying because you are interested in it. When you meet people, they want to get to know you, how you see the world, and so forth.

They don’t want you to try to be someone else or try to impress them. That’s not being your authentic self.

6. You are Contagious
If you are passionate, positive, and excited about what you are saying, you will be able to transfer your current state of being to the other person. People will lose themselves or flow directly into the positive emotions and conversation.

I have found that when you use humor and laugh at things you find really funny, other people get sucked into it and laugh, too. The same thing happens when you talk about something you feel passionate about.

The other person is naturally drawn in because you are being real, authentic, emotional, and sharing something about you. They are getting a glimpse of who you really are.

But, if you try to force humor to get someone to laugh, they’ll know this isn’t really you and they will be put off. That’s why using canned lines or routines doesn’t work.

Also, this can work the opposite way and kill the interaction if you are negative. You will transfer negative energy and repel the other person.

7. Everyone has Social Anxiety
Remember, everyone has some level of social anxiety. Even the most socially skilled people don’t feel 100% at ease all the time.

People fear they have nothing of value to share or offer, and they get it in their head to allow negativity to creep in. So make people feel relaxed around you by being positive, present, nonjudgmental, and excited about them. You will allow them to feel free around you, and they will open up.

The next time you are out, try smiling, keeping good eye contact, asking questions, and being engaged, and see what happens with your conversations.

You will be amazed at how much better they go.

8. Confidence is Key
Having confidence in yourself is absolutely critical for every interaction you have. In conversations, you have value in everything you say, because it comes from you. Since you are the source, it is awesome. When you don’t believe that, you give off the vibe and energy that you are not secure in yourself…and that’s not attractive or engaging. Remember, your uniqueness is your power.

9. Give, Help & Inspire

Giving to, helping, and inspiring others without wanting anything back is the easiest and quickest way to eliminate or minimize social anxiety.

Why? Because you don’t have expectations about what you need to accomplish to consider it a success.

If you go out to have fun, make others laugh, enjoy your time with friends or meet new friends, you take all that pressure off yourself and enjoy the time you are spending doing whatever you are doing.
You are not on a mission to get something from someone else.

You give to others by giving the gift of listening, making them smile, introducing them to one of your friends or a stranger, etc. Giving has nothing to do with resources; it has to do with being resourceful.

Throw your agendas in the trash, and go live life without having a scorecard to judge your success or failure. You will be amazed how much more goes positively for you, and how many more people want to interact and be in your life.

10. Learn to Read People
It’s really important to match the communication styles of the people you are interacting with in order to build rapport.

For example, if you are with someone who is an extrovert and outgoing, you should be excitable, playful, and outspoken. If you are with an introvert who is more quiet, then ratchet down your communication and interactions.

If you mismatch styles, it can be an immediate turn-off and the interaction won’t go anywhere.

Ask yourself, how fast or slow does your companion talk? What’s their body language like? Do they speak loudly or softly?

In essence, you are mirroring their style and showing them you are in sync with them and sensitive to the way they prefer to interact. This doesn’t mean being someone you are not, but it does mean you want to know them better.

These ten key principles will help you take your personal and professional relationships to the next level. Go out and try them this week, and let me know in the comments below how they are working.