A person comes to you because they’d like to be mentored. You want to be helpful. What do you do the first time you meet?
You ask a particular set of questions and then give them an assignment.
I find this pattern works well with a mentee:
Question #1: “What brought you to this point where you’ve recognized this need?”
What you’re listening for: Their story, their history, how they define their gap, connections, their level of emotional maturity, signs that they are willing to work hard.
Question #2: “Why do you think I can help you get to where you want to go?”
What you’re listening for: Their perception of your strengths, experiences, and abilities – including how they think you’ll work with them.
Question #3: “Are you a reader or a listener?”
What you’re listening for: Insights about how they learn, their preferences, and whether they’ve recognized their learning style/preferences.
See how this works? Three simple, mostly open-ended questions that give you insights into how best to mentor them. Bonus: They learn early that a primary way you mentor people is by asking them questions.
Now it’s time to give them an assignment: One or more specific follow-up actions. Some examples:
- Email me tomorrow with 3 times you’d be available to meet with me in the next 2 weeks
- Listen to the Manager Tools podcast on delegation and be prepared to discuss it with me next time we meet.
- I’m going to send you an article about XYZ. Please email me your thoughts when you’ve read it.
A few others things to start watching for:
- Are they on time, and do they respond to deadlines?
- How nervous are they?
- Do they laugh and smile, or are they grim?
- Are they polite?
- Do they express gratitude for your help?
- What drives their ambition to improve?
Glenn, this post has a little extra “sparkle” in it for me, being a mentor. While you are referring specifically to business or professional mentoring of adults, and my own mentoring is more broad in spectrum with teens and young adults, you’re right: mentoring takes a plan, right from day one. My own first three points, given the nature of my mentoring, are these:
1. Establish HONESTY: “Will you agree to be 100% honest with me at all times? I will with you. This doesn’t mean that you have to tell me everything, just that what you do tell me is the truth. ‘I don’t feel comfortable talking about that right now’ is an honest answer.”
2. Establish CONFIDENTIALITY: “Unless you are going to harm yourself or another person, I will keep whatever you tell me confidential. This means that I don’t talk about what you tell me with anyone else, including your parents — and I won’t tell you what your parents discuss with me, either. I will always encourage you to talk with others yourself, and will offer to help you do that if you’d like.”
3. Establish ACCEPTANCE: “Let’s agree right now that, no matter what happens, we will accept each other and work through anything that comes up. No one quits. Will you promise me this?”
I always set these things in place as soon as I realize that the relationship is crossing the line from acquaintance to mentorship (i.e., the first time a volatile situation or deep discussion arises, when parents ask me to take that specific role, etc.).
I also hope readers today really grasp the importance of being Socratic rather than just “telling people what you think they should do.” I know too many people in leadership roles who simply want “me clones” or feel important when they are doling out advice.
TELLING comes from inside of YOU. It passes through your mind (and maybe even heart) and out of your mouth, but as to whether it will enter into the other person’s being … who can say?
ASKING requires that the information pass through the other person’s mind and heart in order to come out of their own mouth.
There are times when a simple, direct statement of truth is certainly the most effective approach, but I’ve found it is rarely so and usually follows some reflective questioning. Nearly any statement can be rephrased as a question. (In fact, I just got an idea for a future “Communication Thursday” post. Thanks, Glenn!)
Speaking of future posts, it might be interesting to see a post about how you’d suggest handling the shortcomings in your end-of-post “to watch for” list, Glenn.
Thanks for broadening this, Erik, those are helpful insights.
Great post, Glenn. Seriously, one of the best lists of questions I have read. I’m stealing these. ?
Thanks for broadening this, Erik, those are helpful insights.
Glenn,
I’m glad that you brought this subject up. I like your approach and I have a mentor as well. We meet informally over some coffee at a diner once a month. I liked your questions to start off with in the realtionship.
Do you think mentorship is an art that has been lost or has it changed with the times. Maybe I’ve watched to many old movies, I’ve heard a lot of influencers describe mentorship in different ways and I guess it can be different for each person.
In Ted Engstrom’s book on mentoring he defines mentoring as a person who provides a model, supervises on special projects and gives individual help. They are a person of authority in their field from disciplined study and experience. The mentored is essentially a understudy who’s growth and development is directed by the mentor.
Kirby, thanks for your thoughtful question. I’m not sure mentorship has changed but I do believe people confuse mentors, teachers, and coaches. I wrote another blog post about finding mentors that included these comments:
“Decide if you need a teacher, a coach, or a mentor. If you want to learn a specific subject matter, find a teacher. If you need to hone skills and reach goals, find a coach. Look for a mentor when you are seeking guidance, wisdom, and advocacy. It’s unlikely that one person will cover all these bases for you, and everyone will be frustrated if you aren’t clear on what you need, and why.”
Source: http://leadershipcraft.com/some-unconventional-thoughts-on-finding-a-mentor/