What is the best marriage advice you have ever been given? Who gave it to you?
A newlywed by the name of Seth Adam Smith (great name huh?) shared some marriage advice in a blog post which he received from his father prior to his wedding day. This one piece of advice not only saved his marriage from devastation, but it has had a MAJOR impact on relationships and marriages all over the world.
I have heard tons of marriage advice, even written some myself, but this simple piece of advice is probably the most popular marriage advice ever given. It is for sure the most viral. The blog post Seth wrote sharing his dad’s advice received over 24 million page views…in just four days. Let that sink in. 24,000,000. Four days.
What in the world did Seth’s dad say to him which resonated with so many people, while saving Seth’s marriage from devastation?
What makes good marriage advice?
When you receive advice, what makes it stick with you? What makes you take action on it, by doing it or sharing it with others? Seth’s dad seems to know this, and he told Seth he’d make it really simple.
Simplicity. This is what makes up the type of advice that changes lives. The advice has to be simple. Something that everybody can understand. Something simple enough to share with someone else. Something so simple it almost shocks you. “Why didn’t I think of that?”
The marriage advice that 24 million people saw in four days
So, maybe you are 1 in 24 million and have not read the blog post, or the many sites which featured it. If so, right now you might be on the edge of your seat, screaming “tell me this great marriage advice already!” Here it is…
“Marriage isn’t for you.”
That is it. “Marriage isn’t for you.” Do you wonder how can I say that, if I don’t know you, your relationship, or anything about your spouse? This is what I believe makes the advice so profound. Remember, simplicity is what makes for good advice, albeit shocking sometimes.
If Marriage isn’t for you, then who is it for?
Marriage isn’t for you, your satisfaction or your joy. It is about the person you are marrying and everybody else that is connected to that union, like your children. Marriage is 100% unselfish. It is 100% not for you, but for her, or him, and them.
Since Seth’s dad enlightened Seth, me, and 24 million other people I’ll let him tell you what this means.
“Seth, you’re being totally selfish. So I’m going to make this really simple: marriage isn’t for you. You don’t marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy. More than that, your marriage isn’t for yourself, you’re marrying for a family. Not just for the in-laws and all of that nonsense, but for your future children. Who do you want to help you raise them? Who do you want to influence them? Marriage isn’t for you. It’s not about you. Marriage is about the person you married.”
How does that change the way you view your marriage and do things in your marriage? Most marriages fail because they think marriage is for them, not the person they married. Simple, shocking, and something we all should use to evaluate our marriage.
If you want to read the original blog post, and the rest of Seth’s story surrounding his father’s advice as well as his marriage struggles, click here.
What are your thoughts on this advice?
It’s the best advice I have ever heard. I like how simple it is put, like you said. If anything, I have discovered that selfishness is the root of problems and this is what Seth’s post is getting at.
You are right, Adam. Selfishness is a relationship killer!
Wonderful post Jackie!
I was on the edge of my seat waiting for this great advice. It is simple and yet true. Selfishness kills marriage more than anything!
Thanks, Julia! 🙂
Jackie, thanks for sharing this! I actually remember reading the original article and thinking it was fantastic advice. It resonated with me so strongly because I am incredibly selfish. Any opportunity I can find to learn more selflessness or read a post promoting selflessness in marriage, I love to consume! Thanks for taking the time to blog about this advice!
All I can say is Amen. I’ve had a highly unsuccessful marriage and I am having a highly successful one right now. The difference is that the person I am with makes me feel like putting in the extra effort to make things awesome. My last wife scolded me for not because it was all for her. I believe in that statement completely. We both feel “marriage isn’t for me.”
That is a great statement. I love it.
LOVED this, Jackie. Thanks for showing me what I missed. Ironically I spend a lot of my time trying to make sure college students, youth and young adults DON’T MISS great relationship truth like this. That’s why I blog about sex, dating and relationships over at http://f-m-u.com/Blog/. And you can bet I’ll be linking to this post from our Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/FMUniversity. Thanks again!
We have different views of marriage, therefore our advices are different as well. Selfishness is a red flag in a relationship, it should be avoided for both parties to work together in union.
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