I never really watched Winnie the Pooh as a child, so it wasn’t until I became a parent that I became a cartoon watcher again. One day, as I watched an episode of Winnie The Pooh with my children, I jokingly asked my husband, “Has Eeyore always been so negative?”.
He is gloomy. He is sad. He offers little encouragement for others. In other words, he is a pessimist. According to dictionary.com, a pessimist is a person who habitually sees or anticipates the worst. A person disposed to be gloomy. Do these attributes describe you? Is it difficult for you to find optimism in situations?
In other words,
Are you an Eeyore?
[box] “No pessimist ever discovered the secret of the stars, or sailed to an uncharted land, or opened a new doorway for the human spirit.” ~Helen Keller [/box]
To find out if you lean towards optimism or pessimism, take a minute to think about the following questions:
- Do you see the glass 1/2 empty?
- Are you ever surprised at how horrible people can act?
- Do you label others as naive or wet behind the ears because they don’t see things the way you do?
- Do you expect negative all the time?
- Do you talk people out of their ideas?
- Do you speak fluent Murphy’s law?
- Do you correctly guess exactly how bad a situation will turn out?
If you answered yes to 3 or more of these questions, you might be a pessimist. You could take a full test to find out here.
Pessimists are energy drainers. Being negative will make people stop seeking you out for your expertise. Even if you are knowledgeable, given the choice, people will choose to get their information from a more positive source. Have you ever noticed how Eeyore is not a regular character in Winnie the Pooh story lines?
[box] An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves. ~Bill Vaughan[/box]
Here are 4 ways to be more optimistic:
1. Know your no’s.
Awareness is always the first battle. You have to know how often and under what circumstances you are usually negative. Pessimism can be so ingrained that you don’t realize you are doing it. Ask for feedback. Record how many times you expect a situation to end poorly.
2. Make a plan and tell someone.
In the movie, Yes Man, Jim Carrey, a proud pessimist, goes on a year long journey where he says “yes” to every opportunity. You may not want or need to take it that far but you do need a plan. You also need accountability. Team up with a fellow pessimist or an encouraging friend and enter into an accountability agreement. Accountability partners don’t have to be boring. You could have fun with it. For instance, you could do your own “Quarter Quell”.
Quarter Quell: Get a roll of quarters every week. Get a small piggy bank. Each time you or your accountability partner catches you being negative you put a quarter in the bank. Then donate that money to a charity.
3. Plot the positive.
List three ways that being positive will improve your communication with three specific people. Having a list of improvements can help motivate you to keep going.
4. Leverage your strengths.
There are many articles, like this one on LinkedIn, praising the positive side of pessimism. While I disagree that pessimism is positive, I do agree that pessimists inherently have a strength. Namely, they can see the flaws in a proposed plan. This is a great way to help optimists prepare or fortify a stance! Use that insight to come up with a plan that will work. If you think it isn’t going to work, offer a solution.
Communication is the key to moving from pessimism toward optimism. If you are a pessimist, your tone of voice, your self talk, your body language, and your word choice communicates your point of view. So when making the move toward optimism, it is a matter of changing what you communicate. When making the move toward optimism, and it will be a gradual move, changing your tone of voice, body language, and word choice will aid in your effort.
The good news is that inherent in the definition of pessimism is hope. A person who habitually sees the negative can learn to change habits to see the positive.
Read more resources on pessimism:
4 Ways to Overcome An Addiction To Pessimism
5 Differences Between Pessimists and Optimist
5 Remedies To Protect Yourself Against The Pessimist Bug
Great post Julia! And nice, subtle Hunger Games reference in there! I like it.
I was wondering if anyone would pick up that reference. Who said personal development has to be boring.
Eeyore has always annoyed me. When I was a child I never liked him because he was so whiny. As an adult he brings to mind all the whiners in my life that annoy me so it’s doubles the negativity, haha.
At one point in my life I was known as a guy who always has something to complain about. Once I took a good look I realized how awful I had become and that I was a drag to be around because I complained about EVERYTHING. I always had something negative to say. Thankfully, I believe I have moved past that and am a much more positive person. So while I don’t think pessimism can be a good thing, I think people like me who are prone towards seeing the negative side of things, can turn that around for good and use that as a skill to better evaluate possible outcomes.
That’s a good point, Brady.
Go Brady! So having made the move from pessimism, how did you become aware you were negative? And what did you do to practice being more positive?
We could learn from one who has been there and done that.
Great post, Julia. I am grateful that I learned early on to surround myself with positive people and chose not to become a negative person.- I love the question… I would have to say that maybe it’s beneficial in seeing flaws as you said, but I would have to say that the negative things about pessimism definitely outweigh the positive attributes in this case. I choose positivity.
As a survivor from serious mental illness earlier in life (40 years ago), and as a psychotherapist now, I can tell you that being a negative thinker can really exacerbate feelings of anxiety and depression. I can also tell you that how you think is a habit…albeit and very ingrained habit. And since it’s a habit, a new habit can be formed.
There are so many reasons for someone to be a pessimist. Genetic loading and environment in childhood, or disappointments and traumas later on, can all cause someone to become a pessimist.
Google search “thinking errors” on the Internet and you will get a list of 10 or so. Read it over and identify some of your own (we all have them). When you notice you are doing one of them, check the thought to see if it’s really valid or not. As an example, the thought, “I know she stood me up because she doesn’t like me” (often tied to a core belief that you are not likable) can be turned around to, “I do not know why she did not come. It could have been for a number of reasons. I will wait until I hear from her before I make a judgement.” The first thought will increase feelings of sadness, loneliness, maybe even anxiety. The second thought really has no emotion attached to it at all.
Sorry this is so long…talking about it is in my blood…I had to overcome negative, pessimistic thinking in order to bring joy back into my life. I know it works…I am no longer that person. I have developed new habits in the way I think and new brain pathways to boot!
Such a great point. It is definitely a habit!
Linda,
You never have to apologize for being long winded with me. You know I love the interaction.
Kudos to you for making your mess your message. I love how our experience color our future passion. I’m sure your struggle is what makes you really good in your practice.
I love the example you have on how to reframe or thoughts. I use those similar techniques with my coaching clients. Just because we have a thought doesn’t mean it is correct or we have to accept it
Thank you for sharing so transparently and adding great tips!
Linda– Really liked your comment! Sometimes, it’s a series of disappointments and hurts from outside yourself that spin-cycle into you taking over and doing it to yourself. It can be good to ask yourself if something is really true before you let your feelings kick in. Very hard to do, though.
This is good stuff right here Julia. Pessimists drive me nuts. My wife is one of them. I could give a few examples, but the main thing is that pessimists aren’t likely to succeed because they see the future as a reflection of past failures. I am mostly an optimist and when I spot a pessimist I try to shift their perspective. This is one of my passions, and I believe I am good at it.
Secondly, if you are a pessimist you have to be willing to accept feedback in order to become more of an optimist. Until then, there is little hope for change.