Last month I shared with you the most popular marriage advice ever. My post shared a story of a son who asked his father for advice before getting married. The simple, yet profound advice he received was a game changer. Not just for him, but for millions of others, which is how it became the most popular marriage advice…EVER!
Changing your perspective and changing your marriage
Well, recently I came across something else pretty profound related to marriage. It just may be the best metaphor for marriage…EVER! And it may be just what you need to hear to change your perspective and help your marriage.
There was a question asked on Reddit.com about how people in long-term relationships change over time. The change might be for the better, or for the worse. One reader posted an answer which prompted another reader to say it was “the best way he’s ever heard anyone describe a relationship” (I am paraphrasing big time as to not repeat the language he used).
Here is a snippet of his description of relationships:
“Basically, I look at the human condition as a continuum that runs from selfish on one side, to selfless on the other side. The life of a human being is a long journey from selfish to selfless. That’s not to say you should stop caring about yourself, but I feel that a large part of maturity is understanding that your immediate gratification isn’t the most important thing in the world.” (Click here to read the rest of the answer on Huffington Post)
My greatest discovery in marriage
One of the greatest discoveries I made in marriage was learning how selfish I really was. Until I got married, I didn’t even know I was selfish. The readers who commented on my blog post mentioned earlier all agreed with one thing. Selfishness is a BIG problem in marriage.
As you mature, or become more selfless your marriage will follow suit. I really believe selfishness is at the root of most divorces. One or both people in the marriage want what they want, and want immediate gratification. Sometimes the filling of that gratification may lead to the divorce. Other times not getting that gratification can lead to a dissatisfied spouse who is not willing to wait on it, or focus on their spouse’s needs.
Why do you do what you do?
The more you see the selfishness behind some of your decisions and some of your frustrations, the better your marriage will be. And the moment you begin to focus less on self and more on your spouse, the entire dynamic will change in your marriage.
I don’t know who the person was who left the comment on Reddit, but I have to say what he/she said is definitely something we can all learn from.