marriage

Jackie Bledsoe, Jr. | November 17, 2014 | 4 Comments

The Advice I Gave Our Friends on Their Wedding Day – Jackie Bledsoe

This past weekend my wife and I went to the wedding of some friends of ours. While listening to a conversation my wife and daughter were having about the weddings that our daughter could remember, I realized that attending weddings come few and far between for us today.

We have been married 13 years, and most of our friends have been married about the same, give or take a year or two. Most of our friends are married, and all of our kids are no where near the age of even dating, let alone getting married.

During the season that we were married and our friends were doing the same, our lives and mindsets were completely different. We were young, clueless, and didn’t have a clue what to expect. Today is different.

We have 13 years under our belts. We have studied our marriage and other marriages. We’ve been counseled and taught by more experienced couples. We even speak and teach about marriage ourselves, now.

Marriage is a ministry

I’ve written hundreds of blog posts about marriage. I’m writing a book about marriage, The 7 Rings of Marriage, we co-host a web show about marriage where we interview couples about their journeys through those 7 Rings, and we are creating marriage courses and a curriculum based upon them all.

So, you would think when we sat down at our table for the wedding reception that when we saw “Advice and Best Wishes for the Mr. & Mrs.” cards in front of us that it’d be a piece of cake. I mean this, marriage, is what I do daily, and a ministry for both of us. But, for a minute we both found ourselves challenged with what to say, on a small comment card.

Is there a silver bullet for marriage?

There are so many ins and outs, possible experiences, and variables when it comes to marriage. How could I boil them down to a comment card? Well, after a few minutes of reflection, I was able to do so.

While my advice may not specifically cover every single thing a couple will experience in marriage, my advice will equip them to handle issues no matter what marriage experiences present themselves. Here is the advice I gave our friends on their wedding day:

1 – Pray together daily

I have written about this before and how it has changed the game for our marriage. It always amazes, and frustrates me, when we have seasons that we don’t pray together. And as you may expect, those seasons are our most difficult. Praying together is foundational in a thriving marriage.

2 – Date weekly

This is another aha, or kicking myself idea, that sometimes gets overlooked. Part of our story is the fact that we didn’t date for years. Then we got intentional, began dating on a weekly basis, and our marriage has been better for it.

Dating is what led us to getting married, and dating is what will keep us married. [Tweet this]

3 – Get away together annually

Our marriage almost didn’t make it early on. One thing that helped us make it through was going away together for a marriage retreat. The past few years we have made getting away together an annual, non-negotiable event. It’s almost like an intentional honeymoon year after year.

We may not go to an island, or extravagant vacation, but we get away with the intent of being alone, and doing something to help our marriage grow. Each year we grow closer, overcome some challenges, and fall deeper in love.

Bonus – Keep Christ in it all

I wrote a blog post titled “Why my wife is my #2, and still cool with it.” The post shared how the relationship with my wife is the second most important relationship in my life. The first, is my relationship with Jesus Christ. My wife loves that and has the same mindset as me.

When we both do that, we grow closer to one another and love one another more unconditionally, like Christ does us. This is the glue that holds and allows all the other things. Without this mindset I don’t know where our marriage would be.

Practice what you preach

Whether you are getting married, are a newlywed, have been married for years, or will be staring at one of those comment cards hoping to give some helpful advice to a couple on their wedding day, this advice can make a huge difference.

I encourage you to put it into practice, and see how your marriage can be impacted.

What’s the best marriage advice you can give?

Jackie Bledsoe, Jr. | November 10, 2014 | 3 Comments

3 Reasons NOT to Date Your Spouse

One of the most popular posts I’ve written to date on ASmithBlog is about date nights. A few months ago on my Facebook page I asked my followers if I were to create a free resource to give away on my blog that would help their marriage most at that time, what would it be.

The overwhelming response was a resource to help them have consistent date nights with their spouses. That led to me creating Date Night in a Box: 12 Plug-and-Play Ideas to Connect with Your Wife this Weekend.

Lessons on dating in marriage

Through the interaction with couples on Facebook, those who downloaded Date Night in a Box, those who read my blog, and my own experience I’ve learned some things about dating in marriage.

The first thing I’ve learned is not everybody does it, although most couples think it can be a good thing for their marriage. Even in our relationship, after I’ve kind of become the “date night guy” through creating so much content and facilitating so many conversations around it, my wife and I miss date night too.

Still learning about dating in marriage

Just recently, our marriage has had some challenges. During one conversation with my wife, she pointed out that we had not gone on a date for a few weeks. There was a direct correlation in how our relationship was going with how our dating life was going.

You would think we would have learned our lesson as that was one of the big “ahas” that lead to us getting back to dating, and creating resources to help other couples do the same.

But we found ourselves not dating, although we knew we should be. I’ve determined there are at least 3 reasons not to date your spouse, even when you know you should.

Priorities out of order. One of the biggest reasons we weren’t dating early in our marriage is because it wasn’t a priority. We didn’t realize how important dating was to our marriage’s well-being, and we made other things more important. Our kids’ activities, work, and other stuff took precedence.
Life happens. During our stretch of not dating, a lot of stuff was going on. We were out of town for two separate weeks in October. If you’ve ever been out of town for a week, let alone two, you can imagine all the “life” that happened to us. That was definitely the case for us. One positive to take away from our experience is we dated the entire time we were on those trips. We just didn’t continue when we returned home.
You give yourself an out. Sometimes there is nothing in the way of dating except you. You give yourself an out. This could be that you are tired, don’t have a sitter, or are even mad at each other. Many couples leave the option of not dating open. Just like in marriage where you have to burn all bridges and boats that lead away from the marriage, the same applies when it comes to dating. We didn’t do this. We got complacent and not going on a date became so easy, we didn’t even realize we hadn’t gone on a date.

Instead of finding or allowing reasons not to date your spouse, I encourage you to find as many reasons and as many ways to date your spouse. Dating is a fundamental part of your relationship. It’s what led to you being married, and may ultimately help you stay married.

Please share your top 3 reasons to date your spouse in the comment section below.

Jackie Bledsoe, Jr. | October 27, 2014 | Leave a Comment

How Do You Handle It When Your Spouse Changes? [VIDEO] – Jackie Bledsoe

How Do You Handle It When Your Spouse Changes? by Jackie Bledsoe | ASmithBlog.com — Photo and video credits: The New York Times

I’ve heard many couples complain that their spouse is not the person they married or used to know. That they are different, and their relationship is negatively affected by this.

I can understand being different. I mean I am definitely not the same man my wife married, and she’d agree. Fortunately these changes are for the better. And although the “past me” had some issues, we appreciate how the experiences from the “past me” shaped me into who I am today.

But, what about those couples whose spouse changes have brought about challenges that alter the very fabric of their marriage? Can those couples remember the good times in the marriage, or will they only focus on the challenges they now face?

The couple in the video below has chosen to focus on the blessings in their marriage and family. The video gave me chills, and it will do the same for you. It will also give you a new appreciation of your spouse and your commitment in marriage through good and challenging times.