Making Friends Over Coffee – Christina Faith

 

Throughout my life I’ve had to be an adapter to new environments. By the time I was in the 5th grade, I had been to eight different schools. I had grown accustomed to introducing myself and learning the ropes quickly. It wasn’t always a pleasant experience, but I have always been outspoken and a bit mature for my age, so that definitely helped me meet new people. After moving over 21 times and going to 13 schools by the time I graduated high school, I learned a lot about people. The same principals that worked by introducing myself in all of these schools work in the workforce.

If you have been struggling to develop relationships try these five steps:

1. Introduce yourself. Many people fail to introduce themselves out of fear of not being accepted. However, as I said in a previous article, hello is your greatest asset. Make your hello matter. When you introduce yourself, give a fun fact about yourself and ask the person a fun fact about them.
2. Give a compliment. If you are anything like me, you watch people. You learn their habits and notice their flaws. Everyone is attracted to something about people they would like to introduce themselves to. A work friend is one who watches the back of their friends and gives compliments to make them better co-workers and friends.
3. Share your lunch. When I worked at Apple, I had a co-worker who wasn’t always open. He had a pretty harsh personality. However, I noticed that food and fitness were important to him. I started to pack a little extra to share with him. After a few times of sharing, he expected to spend his lunch break with me or at least peek into my lunch bag during break and compare food. (Remember how we did this in grade school?) We developed a relationship over food and fitness.
4. Invite them for coffee. I am known for inviting people to Starbucks or a local coffee shop offline. I have found that coffee shops are the new water coolers. There is something about a coffee shop’s ambience that allows people to relax and relate. If you have it in your budget, offer to pay for what they order. This small gesture tells the other person that they are important and that they matter.
5. Ask questions. You want a new co-worker friend? Well, you have to ask questions. There is nothing worse than being asked on a coffee date by someone and they only talk about themselves. The greatest way to overcome being awkward is letting other people talk. The more you learn about people, the more relaxed you become around them.

Many of these principles of developing relationships are the same principles we used as children. When you wanted to learn more about one of your classmates, you asked if they wanted to come over your house, play with you at lunch, and come to your birthday party. When you’re concerned about people and they know it, they are more prone to let you into their lives. Water coolers are the hello and coffeeshops are the how’s life (tell me more). This week, think about someone at your job you desire to develop a relationship with and say hello. Before you take them to coffee, you can ask them if they even like coffee. That’s a good start. If not, take them somewhere else. (I love COFFEE. Feel free to invite me anytime.)

Here are some great resources for developing relationships over coffee:

Ted Rubin: Return on Relationships Book and Podcast

Jed Jurchenko: Coffee Shop Inspirations: Simple Strategies for Building Dynamic Leadership and Relationships

Dale Carnegie: How To Win Friends and Influence People