skill development

Erik Tyler | October 22, 2015 | 4 Comments

How to Give an Apology (and Mean It)

Today’s COMMUNICATION Post – by Erik Tyler

A Check-up

I want to start by asking you to literally stop right now, reflect, and answer this question honestly:

When is the last time you gave a heartfelt apology?

Don’t count times you gave an apology because you wanted something in return, or because you wanted to avoid negative fallout. Pinpoint in your mind the last time you truly felt you had wronged someone.

You intentionally hurt someone.

You ran roughshod over them to assert yourself when things didn’t go your way.

You were rude or harsh with someone, or you took your frustration out on them when they were not to blame.

You did what was best for you, without considering how someone else felt or how your actions would affect them.

You talked negatively about someone, causing others to ridicule or mistrust them.

And you knew it. You knew you were in the wrong. But at some point afterward, you experienced real remorse. You just felt lousy about it – so much so that you went back and offered a sincere apology without a single excuse.

When was the last time? To whom did you apologize? Was it a family member? A friend? A co-worker or boss? A student? A server at a restaurant? A customer care or tech support person you were on the phone with?

If it was so long ago that the details are foggy – or if you can’t remember a specific time at all – ask yourself, What does that say about me? As far as I can see, there are only two things it could mean:

1. You are an anomaly. You are close to perfect and never blow it with other people, and therefore don’t really ever have the need to apologize.

2. You aren’t apologizing enough.

Erik Tyler | October 15, 2015 | 4 Comments

Words Can Be Sentences

Today’s COMMUNICATION Post – by Erik Tyler

Grammatically speaking, a sentence may consist of a single word:

Stop.

Duck!

Sing!

I separated those into separate lines to avoid the mental image that would come of combining them. Each of these sentences contains a verb, which we see, and an “invisible” (understood) subject — the audience to whom we are talking.

You’re fascinated, I’m sure. But that isn’t what I mean to talk about here. (And aren’t you glad?)

Now consider the following:

liar

pervert

lazy

ignorant

problem

selfish

These words are also sentences. They are not grammatical sentences, but rather sentences handed down in the courtrooms of the heart. They are issued by a judge to a party presumed guilty, scarlet letters with which we intentionally — or unintentionally — brand people. Sometimes for life.

Erik Tyler | October 1, 2015 | 4 Comments

Communication Style: A Feedback Experiment

Today’s COMMUNICATION post – by Erik Tyler

I’d like to start with a question. But before I pose that question, I want to encourage you to actually answer it. From the very beginning here on asmithblog.com, I’ve been championing the importance of experimentation in the learning process. In short, those who are willing to engage and take risks will remember and grow. Those who feel that experimental learning is beneath them, or that it is a waste of time – well, they won’t remember or grow, at least not nearly to the degree as those who are willing to be participants in the process.

And now for that question:

How would you describe
your communication style
in three words or less?

How would you describe your communication style in three words or less? Click To Tweet

Grab a piece of paper, a sticky note or your Notes app right now and jot down 1 – 3 separate words that you feel best describe your own communication style. As you assess yourself, determine to be neither unduly flattering nor modest. Being honest about both your strengths and weaknesses is essential to maximizing your potential.