#050: Consistency Takes You to The Next Level

 

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Live Life With Purpose Episode #050: Consistency Takes You to The Next Level

 

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Consistency is something that I have always struggled with. I can get on these kicks of doing awesome things and then will suddenly stop them due to not seeing fast results. Just because something is good, doesn’t mean that it will always bring the immediate results that I want, but it also doesn’t mean I should stop doing them.

I one day came to an epiphany.

Just because immediate results don’t come, that doesn’t mean you should stop. Doing things just because they are good for your mind, body and soul are good enough on their own. 

I understand that we are human and there are days we just don’t feel like it. For those days we still need consistency in our lives, but how?

Here are six ways to have more consistency in your own life and push through those times that you just don’t feel like it.

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How to Start Great Conversations to Make Powerful Connections – Jason Treu

 

 

Jason Treu is one the top life mastery coach (and reformed lawyer) helping men and women create the business, relationships and life they love. His new #1 bestselling book, Social Wealth, is a how-to-guide on how to build extraordinary personal and professional relationships. You can download his free guide, “Six Exercises to Jump Start Your Professional Relationships.” Connect with him and get coaching at BeExtraordinary.tv.

Years ago, I was very nervous to approach strangers and especially large groups of people I didn’t know. I watched some of my friends dive into these situations with ease, and wondered how they made it look so easy and natural. Meanwhile, I found myself awkwardly alone, palms sweaty, clutching a cocktail, and desperately brainstorming witty things to say.

How did I go from being fearful and uncertain in meeting people and starting conversations to confident, energetic and positive?

There are ten key principles on how to start great conversations to make powerful connections. They made a huge difference in how I gained confidence and expertise in meeting new people, creating rapport, and building extraordinary relationships.

By practicing and using the information below, I mastered the relationship building process and mentor others across the world on how to do it.

By the time you finish this article you will learn how to:

  • Start great conversations
  • Never run out of things to say
  • Build instant rapport and connection
  • Leave people wanting to get to know you more

1. Delivery Trumps Content
People focus way too much on what to say and trying to say the right thing. Research has found your delivery is much more important than content in building rapport, especially in initial interactions.

It’s not WHAT you say, it’s HOW you say it.

People feed off your emotions, energy, and vibe, because you are projecting your thoughts and emotions to them. They feel and see your charisma and magnetism when you do this correctly, and when you are being yourself.

They are attracted to you and want to speak to you because of your nonverbal communication, confidence, strong positive convictions, and belief about who you are and what you want.

2. Speak Your Truth
People often overanalyze what they will say and hold back on saying what they feel and think.

You may not always have the most interesting thing to say, but people know you are just being yourself and saying what’s on your mind. People are attracted to and engaged by that type of confidence and vibe. And they will value what you say because it is coming from you.

3. Be Present
Being present in your conversations is huge.

When you’re not looking at the person you are speaking to (i.e., making poor eye contact) and instead you’re busy looking around to see what is going on across the room, you are creating a lose-lose situation.

The person you are talking to gets the signal that you aren’t interested in what they are saying and that you want to be somewhere else. So, you have blown that interaction.

Focus on the present moment and be engaged.

You can always excuse yourself and go talk to other people, but don’t lose out on opportunities when you don’t need to.

4. Stop Worrying About What to Say Next
When you are busy trying to think of the next thing to say, you are not really listening to the other person. You are trying to impress, or get someone to like you because you don’t feel you are good enough. You try to rack your brains for something clever or interesting because you believe that’s necessary to keep the conversation going.

But when you don’t worry about what comes next and you are present, true connections with others really start.

Focus on having a good time and just enjoying the moment you’re sharing with the other person. Stay in the moment and let the conversation flow out of you.

5. Be Authentically You
People are interested in what you are saying because you are interested in it. When you meet people, they want to get to know you, how you see the world, and so forth.

They don’t want you to try to be someone else or try to impress them. That’s not being your authentic self.

6. You are Contagious
If you are passionate, positive, and excited about what you are saying, you will be able to transfer your current state of being to the other person. People will lose themselves or flow directly into the positive emotions and conversation.

I have found that when you use humor and laugh at things you find really funny, other people get sucked into it and laugh, too. The same thing happens when you talk about something you feel passionate about.

The other person is naturally drawn in because you are being real, authentic, emotional, and sharing something about you. They are getting a glimpse of who you really are.

But, if you try to force humor to get someone to laugh, they’ll know this isn’t really you and they will be put off. That’s why using canned lines or routines doesn’t work.

Also, this can work the opposite way and kill the interaction if you are negative. You will transfer negative energy and repel the other person.

7. Everyone has Social Anxiety
Remember, everyone has some level of social anxiety. Even the most socially skilled people don’t feel 100% at ease all the time.

People fear they have nothing of value to share or offer, and they get it in their head to allow negativity to creep in. So make people feel relaxed around you by being positive, present, nonjudgmental, and excited about them. You will allow them to feel free around you, and they will open up.

The next time you are out, try smiling, keeping good eye contact, asking questions, and being engaged, and see what happens with your conversations.

You will be amazed at how much better they go.

8. Confidence is Key
Having confidence in yourself is absolutely critical for every interaction you have. In conversations, you have value in everything you say, because it comes from you. Since you are the source, it is awesome. When you don’t believe that, you give off the vibe and energy that you are not secure in yourself…and that’s not attractive or engaging. Remember, your uniqueness is your power.

9. Give, Help & Inspire

Giving to, helping, and inspiring others without wanting anything back is the easiest and quickest way to eliminate or minimize social anxiety.

Why? Because you don’t have expectations about what you need to accomplish to consider it a success.

If you go out to have fun, make others laugh, enjoy your time with friends or meet new friends, you take all that pressure off yourself and enjoy the time you are spending doing whatever you are doing.
You are not on a mission to get something from someone else.

You give to others by giving the gift of listening, making them smile, introducing them to one of your friends or a stranger, etc. Giving has nothing to do with resources; it has to do with being resourceful.

Throw your agendas in the trash, and go live life without having a scorecard to judge your success or failure. You will be amazed how much more goes positively for you, and how many more people want to interact and be in your life.

10. Learn to Read People
It’s really important to match the communication styles of the people you are interacting with in order to build rapport.

For example, if you are with someone who is an extrovert and outgoing, you should be excitable, playful, and outspoken. If you are with an introvert who is more quiet, then ratchet down your communication and interactions.

If you mismatch styles, it can be an immediate turn-off and the interaction won’t go anywhere.

Ask yourself, how fast or slow does your companion talk? What’s their body language like? Do they speak loudly or softly?

In essence, you are mirroring their style and showing them you are in sync with them and sensitive to the way they prefer to interact. This doesn’t mean being someone you are not, but it does mean you want to know them better.

These ten key principles will help you take your personal and professional relationships to the next level. Go out and try them this week, and let me know in the comments below how they are working.

Twitter Ten Questions Interview With Todd Henry

 

This is a transcript from the twitter interview series #tenquestions with Todd Henry from January 29, 2015. You can purchase Todd‘s book Die Empty on amazon by clicking here.

 

Adam: 1. My first question is to give some background for those reading along tonight who may not already know who you are – So, who are you and what do you do, Todd?

  • Todd: I’m a father, husband, writer, thinker, observer, and researcher. My main focus for the past several years has been on creativity and the dynamics of creating for a living. Several years ago, I realized that many of my marketplace peers were ill-equipped for the pressures of having to create on demand each day. I distilled a set of “best practices” over time to help them. That eventually became the foundation for my work with companies and people, and now the focus of my writing.

Adam: 2. Who are your heroes?

  • Todd: There are a ton of people. I’ll just list a few key influences. Steve Martin, Thomas Merton, Anne Lamott, Seth Godin, Tom Peters… and a ton of additional writers. Frankly, on the “hero” front, I’m inspired by anyone who is willing to take a risk in the pursuit of great work. They have each – at some point – forgone the expected or comfortable in order to create value for others. I think this is the mindset of a creative pro.

Adam: 3. What is the best advice you have ever received?

  • Todd: The thing that moves me more than anything is when someone is willing to forgo comfort to do what’s right. “Get your reps in”. If you want to be good at anything, you have to be willing to do the grunt work and build the basic skills first. No one is born a great writer, speaker, manager, or artist. They are forged over time.

Adam: 4. Who is the one person you would like to collaborate with in the future and why?

  • Todd: Besides the obvious (launch a company with Elon Musk) :), I’d love to collaborate on a writing project with any of the living authors on my “admired” list. That would be simply amazing. I would be happy as research asst. :)

Adam: 5. What is one topic that you feel needs to be discussed that isn’t being talked about?

  • Todd: The plague of peripheral vision. Though it’s great to be able to see what everyone else is doing on the web, it can also create a kind of “expectation escalation”, or a dissatisfaction with the work in front of you. It can slowly rob you of the joy of play, experimentation, and growth because of constant comparison. Creative growth requires incubation, which means taking time to play with ideas away from the pressures of the outside world. While the web gives us many things, it can also be a pressure cooker of expectations. Pay attention to the narratives that play in your head. Learn to hear your own creative intuition apart from the clamor of the crowd. Have a point of view, and have IRL people you get with to sharpen one another. More than anything, give yourself permission to play with ideas, to experiment, to try on styles in private. Not all of your world is meant to be shared with the world. You need to have unnecessary creating as well.

Adam: 6. What is success to you?

  • Todd: For years, I’ve said I want my epigraph to be “He created fiercely, he loved well, he died empty.” If I can do these three things each day – create fiercely, love well, and act on my intuitions, that = success.

Adam: 7. I found out about your work through the book Die Empty, which I loved. If you could have people take away 1-3 points from the book, what would those be?

  • Todd: 1. Refuse to allow complacency to rob you of your contribution. Don’t succumb to the siren song of mediocrity. 2. The 4 scarce resources you must allocate are Focus (your attention), Assets (resources), Time, and Energy. How you choose to allocate them will play the biggest role in your success or failure. Live and work by design. 3. Attention for your work is not a birthright. Your best work will be in the service of others, adding value. So start with the impact you want to have, and work backward. Your passion = what you’re willing to suffer for.

Adam: 8. I read The Accidental Creative after Die Empty. Another great book. Tell people about this book and the podcast.

  • Todd: It’s about life in the “create on demand” world. I tried to distill down the best of what I found prolific, brilliant, and healthy creative pros were doing to remain so. That’s also what we discuss on the podcast.

Adam: 9. What are you currently working on?

  • Todd: Wrapping a new book, which will release in August. Will probably speak to about 40-50 groups this year. And most stressful of all… Coaching my 6th grade son’s basketball team.

Adam: 10. What would be your advice to someone wanting to step out and do something big with their lives? What should their next step be?

  • Todd: 1. Go big by going small. Create impact in your immediate world first. Build from there. You change the world by changing YOUR world. 2. Set aside time multiple times per week (a few hours) to your project, whatever it is and commit to making progress each week. That’s how my biz launched. 5-7a, 9-11p each day for months/years. Time is rarely a valid excuse. I had 3 kids, more than full-time job, and more commitments than I should have. There are legit excuses, but a lot of people simply don’t want to pay the price. Anything you want to do will cost you something. You have to be willing to make that investment if you want to reap a harvest. The key is committing to regular progress and growth. 3. Find someone who is already doing what you want to do and ask them for their best advice. There are so many ways to learn from the mistakes of others. You will learn from your own anyway, but there’s no excuse not to go to school on others. Don’t live in a bubble. Isolation, when launching something, will drain you dry of inspiration and self-confidence.

You can view the entire dialogue over on twitter at #tenquestions.