church coolness

Ever since I was a kid, my family has been in church. While attending church I’ve noticed how styles have changed quite a bit. I used to think Michael W. Smith, choir robes, sweaters, long hair, Mark Lowry and glasses were the coolest things out there. Oh, and I can’t forget Carman. It seems that this just isn’t the case anymore. So, I started compiling a list of what makes church people “cool” in 2010. Here are the top 9 things I could come up with:

1. Gotta have a scarf around your neck. That goes for everybody.
2. Gotta have a pair of TOMS shoes. You say you’re helping out a kid, but we all know it’s for the coolness factor.
3. Gotta have a mac. A PC just won’t cut it.
4. Having an iPhone is a must. Mainly for reading YouVersion off of it and you look wicked holy while doing it.
5. The Fauxhawk is a must. God will not love you if you do not have one.
6. You have to be talking about the latest book you’re reading. Talking about what’s in the Bible is so yesterday.
7. You have to go to at least 2 conferences a year. You will not know what you need to know to be saved.
8. Everyone has to find a way on that stage. You better sing, play a musical instrument or something. Get to dancin’.
9. Every cool Christian must have a tattoo of some sort. Oh, and a part of that tattoo must be showing to the public. If it’s on your arm, make sure you roll up your sleeve just a tad. A cool story behind the tattoo is a must (preferably Biblical).

***I couldn’t think of #10, so maybe you can help me out.–

10. ??????

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  • Jon

    oh i got it!! you gotta be a hypocrite!

    • @jackalopekid


  • kevin

    how bout toting a tattered molskine with deep journal thoughts and sketches for future tattoos?

    • @jackalopekid

      for sure

  • Evangeline

    Have to be on all social network outlets…FB, twitter,Posterous, Flickr, Blog etc, etc, etc……

    • @jackalopekid

      thats a must

  • Jill Sherman

    Gotta have a blog!

    • @jackalopekid

      most definitely:)

  • austinklee

    You have to have a 2:5 ratio of Jesus tweets. (For every 5 tweets, two must be about Jesus.)
    My recent post Short

    • @jackalopekid

      haha. so true

  • Eric Carroll

    Use business titles in place of minister or pastor titles.


    Have a massive support staff… with a ratio of 8:1 (people to amount of work for a single person)
    My recent post Marketing Motivation

    • @jackalopekid

      for sure:)

  • winnie

    Be yourself and wear a smile. It doesn't matter how you look it is what's inside that counts.
    My recent post It’s Friends Day

  • Jill

    Pick a cause, any cause, and make like it's the only one God cares about.
    My recent post What You Can Learn From Pastors

    • @jackalopekid

      good one

  • @m_dy

    im pretty sure i only qualify for 3…?
    im officially uncool

    • @jackalopekid


  • @Statius

    Gotta preach from your laptop…including any Scripture readings!

    • @jackalopekid

      oh for sure. thats a must

    • rrchapman

      That is so 1990s. I saw Fr. Kevin Pearson do this when he was the interim at St. Paul's, Seattle, WA, one morning when his printer broke. He actually apologized for reading his sermon from the computer.

      I think it was a Mac, but it has been 10 years.

      Fr. Pearson is now here:

      My recent post With angels and archangels and all the company of Heaven

  • @jackalopekid

    yep. it's definitely a competition

  • Shellie (baylormum)

    Must be an overachieving outdoorsperson. That doubles the coolness factor. :)

    • @jackalopekid

      haha. for sure:)

  • @NicolettteC

    you have to have gone thru some horrific life experience that made u the worst of all sinners (usually drugs, sex n alcohol or a bout with suicide- some kind of addiction) and have a dramatic redemptive occasion (wat happened 2 all those nice home grown pastors??? LOL)

    • rrchapman

      You mean, like this?

      Note that the URL for the church has the pastor's name.

      Also, his north location is actually in Everett, Washington–not Mill Creek, Washington. You see, Mill Creek is an affluent community; rich people live there. Everett is where you live to build airplanes for Boeing; working class people live there. CFC-North is right next door to my chiropractor's office, in Everett. (If it was across State Route 96, it would be in Mill Creek, though.)

      He managed to get local authorities to grant a permit for a helicopter pad at both locations, so that he could zip from one to the other between Sunday services.

      This video is so much fun:
      My recent post With angels and archangels and all the company of Heaven

      • @jackalopekid


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  • Phillip Gibb

    you gotta follow @loswhit 😉
    My recent post Caption Please